TVF6: How The Girls Stole Christmas
by roxypony
Summary: by RP and StayBeautiful1! Guest starring Ronnie and Kade from OFL. ;At Christmas, in a hot pink truck, all roads lead home. Or to Vampire Mountain. Or the mall. Tis the season of sparkles! TVF Special Holiday Edition 2010!
1. Suprise it's Christmas!

Welcome to RP and SB1's Christmas Extravaganza! :) We're literally so excited for this, it's bordering on nuclear and the internet might evn blow up.

We spent many long hours in school, combining the power of Blackberry and Apple as we msn-d on our little phones (AKA scheming devices) and we are very proud to present to you the very first chapter of our very first joint fic! ;) It won't be terribly long as we plan to complete it before Christmas, but we're both quick writers when we really try xD This story will be a wild ride!

We don't own DSS or the movie Mean Girls, blah blah blah, but I do own the concept of TVF OOC-ness :) also, we DO own our OC's, SB1's lovely Ronnie and RP's crazy Kade! Look for them both in ONE FREAKISH LOVE, the best love story ever :)...(also the only one I like ;) but really, it's amazing. Not to mention a cliffie-lover's dream! ;)

Well there's only 18 days to go, so ENJOY :)

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Darren was relaxing. For the first time in a disclosed number of months the young vampire prince had peacefully awoken from his sleep. Normally, the unusual silence would have anyone else feeling surprisingly chipper, and confident about going into an organized, calm day. But not Darren, it had him worried, and today he was feeling a little less than happy. There was something that was lingering in the back of his mind that made him feel kind of depressed, what was it that-

"Darrr-reeeennn-uuuhhh!" Kurda shrieked from down the halls, as Harkat bursted through his door, wheezing.

"Kurda was taking... too long in the bath...room and told Mika... he should spend... a little more time... on himself in the... morning. He is now being choked... with the cord to his straightener."

Darren jumped from his bed, bolting down the halls to witness a normal scene in Vampire Mountain. Mika, holding Kurda in his arms, the hot pink cord wrapped around the blonde's neck in attempt to strangle him with it. Seba, reading the tag to the straightener, mumbling about how not being able to take a straightener in a bathtub was an abomination. Arrow was standing behind his best friend, cheering him on and assisting by grabbing Kurda's various hair products, spraying them into his hand with a smug look on his face, smelling it once or twice before offering them to Mika, who then in turn would make the flamboyant vampire eat it. In the back round, Larten sitting on the couch panning through endless pages on e-bay and Paris deeply interested in an iPad commercial on the flat screen. Darren took in a deep breath, looking down to his side at his Little Person best friend, who seemed to have the same look on his face, watching the situation take place.

"Confidence, control, charisma." Darren whispered to himself before walking into the insanity.

"Mika! Stop strangling Kurda! We've discussed this, and DON'T give me that look! Kurda, learn better word choice. The reason WHY you cannot take a straightener into a bathtub is because you'd get electrocuted and be fried, Seba. And then you wouldn't be around to tell us what's an Abomination and what isn't." Darren said in one swift breath, struggling to pull Mika off of Kurda.

"Arrow, can you please help me?" Darren pleaded, looking over at the bald vampire.

"Why would I do that?"

"Because if you don't I'll give you and Mika's Criminal Minds TV time block to Seba, so he can watch the infomercial channel." Arrow shot him a 'you wouldn't dare' sort of look and Darren just kept his face straight, hands still locked around Mika's shoulder trying to free a whimpering Kurda.

"Fine," Arrow frowned, grumbling curses under his breath as he pulled Mika away from Kurda. Kurda gasped, unwinding the chord from around his neck.

"I am... hungry." Harkat concluded, walking away from the newly controlled situation and waddling to the kitchen, followed by Arrow and Mika.

"Uhm, Darren. Could you like leave so I can finish from where I was rudely interrupted? I didn't even get a chance to try my new scuplting wax." Kurda gushed, shutting the bathroom door slowly on Darren.

"What is it that you are watching?" Larten asked, looking up from his laptop.

"I believe it's called 'polar bear in a snow storm'," Paris answered, "but I can barely see the polar bear."

"That is because you're not even on a channel, that is just static." Larten inquisitively responded. Paris looked over at him, shocked as Kurda bursted out of the bathroom.

"Allllllrigghtt!" he sang holding a bright pink burned CD in his hand, flailing it over his head like it was a hot commodity. Larten winced,

"Kurda, your high pitch tone makes it even more painful to hear you talk."

Darren had started a new tradition, of course. Each one of the inhabitants of the Mountain chose a movie that all the other vampires had to watch. He instantly regretted his decision after watching Paris's choice of The Titanic: Extended Edition because he claimed he'd been on the actual boat. And Seba's choice of some foreign film that no one understood about a dog trying to find his way in a big city, at least that's what the vampires thought. Seba was under the impression it was deeply metaphoric. Darren walked back into the room with Harkat trailing behind him pushing a cart with a laptop and a projector on top of it so that the wall would become a large movie screen. Mika and Arrow followed, dragging their feet, arms filled with an assortment of snacks.

"Hey, Mika." Arrow called, a twizzler hanging out of his mouth "Want to see who can eat the most until they throw up?" Mika grinned widely, but before he could answer, Kurda stepped in.

"Uhm, ewwwwy. The movie I chose requires all of your attention, because it's so awesome that it like, deserves a bunch of respect! So you can save your calorie chow down for later."

"Kurda, do you want me to hurt you again?" Mika growled after dropping all of his snacks on the couch.

"No! No killing!" Darren scolded from his position of setting up the projector. He let out a loud 'Aha!' as Insert Disc appeared on the wall. Harkat applauded and then walked over to his favorite chair, jumping a few times before swinging his leg up and over and sitting down. After twenty minutes of trying to get everyone situated, which included waiting for Larten to go back to his room to grab his personalized electric blanket which had his name sewn into that he ordered off of e-bay, searching for the remote through Paris's endless number of pockets in his Hawaiian shirt and cargo pants, convincing Seba that the popcorn was not a bomb that the vampaneze planted in the microwave and Darren bribing Arrow and Mika to stay and watch Kurda's movie once they got wind of the title, they were ready.

"Okay, so like this took me a lot of time to find, cause it's the super special version with two hours of extra features." Arrow let out an agonizing groan, but Kurda continued, "And then I forgot my password to my computer and it took me forty eight times to remember that it was my name. But here it is!" he clapped his hands as he pressed play. Lindsay Lohan appeared on the screen, and Darren cursed under his breath.

"Hey, isn't she on crack or something?" Arrow snickered.

"She is nowwww," Kurda drawled, "but this is back when she was only an alcoholic and not on drugs!"

"That is just so much better. I am glad that the youth of America are all raging alcoholics and drinking crack." Larten rolled his eyes.

"You do not drink crack, you smoke crack!" Seba mumbled.

"I am not surprised at the fact that YOU know that, Seba." Larten breathed. Kurda shushed them, slapping his hands down in his blanket.

"Regina George must be vampaneze!" Mika scowled. The screen started to lag, and none of the vampires could figure out the sudden small words on the bottom of the screen that read incoming video call. This had Darren horribly confused for a moment, before he realized the TV was hooked up to the computer. Seba screamed, hiding behind the couch as a wide box blocked the view of the movie and two loud booming voices erupted from the speakers.

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey boys!"

The two girls on the screen smiled, the one with the platinum blonde hair and bright blue eyes was sitting on a stool kind of in the background while the other girl with the alluring pools of dark grey eyes, auburn and blonde mixed hair took up most of the screen.

"Ohmigosh!" Kurda gushed, "It's Ronnie and Kayden! When did they start doing movies? I didn't know they were famous! We need to go to Hollywood and find them!" Kade rolled her eyes on the screen and flipped him off while Ronnie just giggled in the background. Arrow walked back into the room from his snack run, when he got a glimpse of the screen his eyes widened and immediately flushed, dropping his bowl of popcorn on the floor.

"You alright there, bro?" Mika asked, raising an eye-brown a smirk on his lips.

"Yea, I'm fine. I just uh, thought I saw- is that Ronnie and Kadey-um, I MEAN, Kayden?" he babbled, changing the subject.  
"Hi Arrow!" Kade gushed from the screen, Arrow raised an arm and looked down at his hands trying to hide his newly pink cheeks.

"Where's Darren!" Ronnie gushed, pushing her bangs out of her face and coming closer to the screen. The vampires heads whipped in Darren's direction, most of them making gestures such as kissy faces and winks. The somewhat gloomy mood he was just in instantly faded away, his palms moistened while his heart beat hard in his chest,

"Ronnie", he grinned. Ronnie opened her mouth to begin to say something, but Kade's hand appeared on the side of her face and gave her a rough shove out of the frame.

"Hey!" Ronnie snapped, but Kade just snickered.

"Anyways, we have a surprise for you!"

"We're coming to the Mountain!" Ronnie jumped at the punchline.

"What!" Darren and Arrow cried. Darren looked at Arrow who shifted his eyes nervously,

"What- I forgot that I left the oven in my room on?"

"You have an oven in your room? Not fair!" Paris crossed his arms. Darren was sent into a panic, there was no way he could get things ready in time, there was so much to do and get ready.

"When will you... get here?" Harkat asked from his spot in the corner.

"Tomorrow!" Darren thought he was going to be sick, and Mika was watching Arrow closely who became strangely moist and began breathing strangely.

"See ya then!"

Connection Terminated.

Darren stood up quickly and looked at his watch, he had less than 12 hours to get everything ready and he decided he better start not. Mean Girls was going to have to be cut short, which the other Vampires were more than happy about. Except for Kurda, but there wasn't time for pouting.

"Alright, we have a lot of work to do!" Darren clapped, earning another group of groans.

"Mr. Crepsley, you're in charge of-"

"-I am always in charge of you, at least Darren."

"Yes, I know," Darren grunted, "all of you start cleaning up, and make sure nothing breaks and everyone stays alive."

Harkat pulled at Darren's shirt,

"Do you think... we should make them... cookies or something?" Darren smiled at his best friend, he was such a little ball of sweetness.

"Good idea! We're going to go into the kitchen, don't break anything!" he pointed, before going into the kitchen, his forgetful feeling having to wait for a while.

"What are we... going to make?" Harkat asked, grabbing a large cookbook and blowing the dust off of it. Darren tied an apron around his waist,

"Ronnie likes triple chocolate cookies, with double dutch chocolate frosting."  
"I think you should make some shortbread cookies, with some thick and colorful icing," Arrow peeked into the kitchen, before looking around awkwardly again, "uhm, because they're really good and-"

"They are... Kayden's favorite?" Harkat caught on.

"Did you know that there's been a recall on..." Arrow picked up the nearest object, a water bottle, "water bottles? You're all so lucky, I just saved your lives. BPA kills people." and with that he was out cleaning with the others.

"Uhm, alright. Let's get started Harks." Darren beamed, grabbing all of the ingredients from the various cabinets and tossing them to Harkat who would catch them and place them on the large table. A spark shimmered in Harkat's eyes when he caught a jar of sprinkles.

"Are we going... to put these... on them?"  
"NO!" Darren interjected, causing Harkat to jump. "I mean, no. Ronnie doesn't like those."

"What?" Harkat cried, holding the sprinkles close to his chest. "How can you... not like sprinkles?"

"She just doesn't like that kind." Darren comforted Harkat, who seemed truly appalled and a little hurt.

"Oh okay... I was worried."

Finally, after a mixing, stirring, whipping, pouring, measuring, icing, cleaning(which involved cleaning the mixing and frosting bowls with their tongues) Harkat, Arrow, and Darren high-fived over a fresh tray of Kayden and Ronnie approved treats.

By this time, everyone else had long since gotten tired and gone to bed, or been kicked out for excessive use of icing sugar, or eating dough, or violence with cooking utensils. Or being themselves in general.

Eventually, Harkat dropped off to sleep (literally, his face smacked the table with alarming force) and Darren and Arrow were left to contemplate the next day.

They looked at each other with expressions of extreme relief, but stress at the same time. Only they knew how each other was truly feeling at this moment.

"AAHHHHH!" Darren squeaked finally.

"You said it." Arrow replied with finality.

###

**THE NEXT DAY.**

"Wheeen are they goona get heere?" Kurda whined for the 10th time in an hour.

"CHARNA'S FREAKIN CHRISTMAS TREE, KURDA! THEY'LL GET HERE WHEN THEY GET HERE!" Mika yelled, also for the 10th time. Only he'd used a different variation of Charna's (insert noun) every time. This time, he accompanied the rage by snatching the pink candy cane from Kurda's hands and whipping it across the room where it shattered against a wall. Kurda pouted and pulled up the hood of his favourite baby-blue Hollister hoodie.

"Mika! I told you HOW many times? Do NOT mention the C-word with Darren in the room!" Larten hissed into Mika's ear.

"Chill pill, Creps. He's not even in the room." Arrow snorted. "Anyway. How does my hair look?"

"Uhm, Arrow...?"

"Yeah?"

Mika gestured vaguely at his head.

"Oh right, I don't have any." said Arrow, smacking his scalp in bamboozlement. "Guess it's a bit late for that now. How does my shirt look?"

"Bro. I'm a dude." said Mika with extreme frustration. "What have you been smoking? If you need stupid advice, go ask Kurdina. Heh, don't ya love how his name sounds femimine even without a cliche suffix on the end?"

But Arrow was already gone off to ask Kurda whether it would be innapropriate to put on a tie. However, Darren suddenly came screeching into the room;

"THEY'RE HERE THEY'RE HERE THEY'RE HERE THEY'RE HERE!"

"RONNIIIE AND KADEEEY!" Kurda screamed in delight.

"Charna's everything." Larten grumbled under his breath. "Did they mention how long they're staying?"

"Oh Jeezus." Darren gulped. "This is it."

"Time to bring out the A-game, Buddy!" Arrow hissed into his ear as he ran by.

Darren squeaked something indecipherable.

And the 8 creatures of the night crashed through the front door to see a beautiful snowy landscape before them, the wild mountain scenery coated with a recent snowfall, perfectly untouched...except for the tire tracks that had come rolling right up to the Mountain which ended with a gleaming pink Chevrolet Silverado 2500 . The Gang tackled the truck delightedly (Darren and Arrow in the lead) before realizing there was no one in it.

"So then how'd the truck get here?" Kurda gasped in alarm.

"Ronnnnnniiiie?" Darren called hopefully.

Arrow cupped both hands around his mouth and bellowed, "KAAAAAAADE?"

"Let us go back inside, maybe the truck is just a hallucination." said Larten hopefully.

In response, a massive snowball nailed him in the side of his head.

"SUURRRRRPRIZZZEEE!" came a set of shrill girlish vocals.

And none other than Veronica and Kayden simply appeared out of nowhere, charmed and dangerous with stacks of snowballs primed for throwing.

Much to Arrow and Darren's masked dismay, Kurda pulled them both into a group hug before they could get to them.

"Omg Ronnie, you have to tell me where you got your booties! Those little heels are to DIE for! And Kadey darling, WHAT did you spray in your hair? You smell like a million fruits!"

Mika didn't bother to supress a spasm of disgusted laughter.

"Hey sweetie." said Ronnie merrily, kissing Kurda on the cheek. Kade did the same, and quickly slapped a sticker on his back that said HO HO HO! (At this point, Mika fell to the ground laughing)

"I got them at H&M!" Ronnie gushed happily. "We should take you sometime!"

Kurda looked as though that was beyond his wildest dreams.

"And my hair naturally smells like this." Kade added haughtily. "Ha, just kidding. I loaded it up with Aussie Sprunch."

"...A million fruits..." Mika -lying in the snow- choked out. The hilarity was just too much for him. Eventually, Ronnie and Kade moved onwards from Kurda's relentless style comments, and went down the line hugging Paris, Larten, Seba, Harkat (they also picked him up and swung him around) and finally they arrived at...

"Hey Kade-" Arrow gulped. It was obvious he'd narrowly missed calling her Kadey. That was a Girls-Only deal. (Naturally Kurda was included).

"Hiii, Arrow." Kade sighed in a tone of obviously fake casualness. She reached up and locked her arms around his neck, holding hug for a bit longer than the others. He returned the gesture with enthusiasm that made her grin.

Meanwhile...

"Ronnie.." Darren choked out, looking awestruck.

"Darren!" she gasped, mimicking his tone. Then her face cracked into a flawless smile and she pulled him into the closest hug that Vampire Mountain had ever seen.

She traced the muscles on his back and moved her lips in close to his ear...

"Merry Christmas, Dare-Bear."

Damn, he'd missed her so much.

"Mmmm, merry-"

Wait, what?OH SHIT!

* * *

Reviewers get candy canes! Or Kurda-canes. Or candy-Kades. Whichever you prefer :)

Larten: Stop being a moron. You are simply awful at making puns.

I know...


	2. Cookies 'n' EyePads

Helloooo, this took a tiny bit longer than we expected, but hey we have lives ;) thanks to our babe reviewers!

**LilBat54 **don't we all...here ya go! bahaha thanks :)

**MOONLIGHT-97** why yesss you can ;) cuz we sure as hell don't want him xD Steve: hey now D:

**Amela333** when is it NOT interesting in there ;) i liked that part tooo... and THANKS, AT LEAST SOMEONE LIKES MY STUPID PUNS :)

**Alysha813** and we love you for reviewing! bwahaha as long as I'm breathing there will always be another TVF around the corner!

**StayBeautiful1** awww thanks- WAIT A SEC! HEY YOU, get off the review page and write something! JUSTKIDDING we've spilt the work perfectly :) love working with ya girl! This story is on fire ;)

This chapter is short but the next one is about 3x the length!

Anyway off we goo! :)

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"Who's...hungry?" called Harkat happily, wandering out of the kitchen with a plate of cookies in hand.

Kade and Ronnie gasped in delight simultaneously.

"SHORTBREADS WITH EXTRA ICING!"

"TRIPLE CHOCOLATE WITH DOUBLE DUTCH FROSTING!"

"Oh, do you like those kinds?" said Darren casually.

"That's my favourite!" Ronnie grinned, playfully punching him in the arm. "You obviously knew that!"

Darren bolted from the living room muttering something about "needing to change his socks" but no one missed the fact that his face had gone bright red.

Kade picked up a shortbread with purple icing.

"What's this shape supposed to be?"

Arrow examined it. "Oh, that's the one Kurda made. I have no idea."

"It's Justin Bieber!" Kurda stated incredulously, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Ahh. That explains why it's purple and looks like it's wearing mascara. Know what Kurda, you can have it." said Kade, trying to hide a smile.

Kurda snatched up the cookie eagerly and chomped off the head. Or maybe it was the legs. Really it could have been anything at all.

"Umm, maybe you'll like this one better." Arrow offered, passing her a red truck-shaped cookie.

"AHH! A 2011 GMC Sierra 3500 Denali lifted with the long box and dualies? Awww, you didn't!"

"Is that your favourite?" Arrow asked nonchalantly.

"It's only my dream truck." Kade didn't bother to hide her smile this time.

Arrow smiled like he'd never smiled before, and nibbled the front grill off his Hummer cookie.

"Soooo what are we gonna do while you're here? OOH I know, we could watch Mean Girls, Gilmore Girls, Gossip Girl, Say Yes To The Dress, Sex In The City, Grey's Anatomy, AND THEN WE COULD ALL DO MANICURES!" Kurda then became overwhelmed with glee and had to hyperventilate into a bag supplied by Paris.

"I was thinking we could just relax and get cozy, y'know? And make hot chocolate, and watch the Fireplace Channel and just...um...hang out?" Darren suggested with a glance at Ronnie who happened to be glancing at him at the exact same time.

"I am getting cozy with NO ONE in this room." Mika announced with a crabby glare as Kurda pulled a fluff out of his hair.

"Well you can sit out in the snow, Mr. Scrooge." Larten chipped in.

"I TOLD YOU NEVER TO CALL ME THAT! THAT WAS THE STUPIDEST PLAY IN HISTORY!"

Darren looked vastly insulted. He too remembered the musical production of _A Christmas Carol _2 years agothat had narrowly escaped failing hugely and taking the Mountain down with it.

"I was thinking we should go Extreme Sledding or something. There's some pretty intense trails around here." Arrow said loudly over Mika's outburst.

"Now that the secret's out and Darren remembers what season it is, we might as well put up a tree?" Larten suggested, earning furious stares.

"Those are all fantastic ideas..." said Ronnie perkily.

"...But we have something else in mind." Kade added with a dark chuckle.

8 pairs of eyes stared up at them quizzically.

"WE'RE TAKING YOU TO THE MALL!" both girls shrieked at the same time.

"AHH YAAAYYYYY!" Kurda screamed with the force of an atomic explosion.

"Um...Yay!" said Arrow and Darren bravely.

"The Maul? I DO NOT WANT TO BE MAULED! I AM FAR TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" Seba howled.

"NooOOoooOOOoooOO NO NO NO NO Noooooo!" Mika moaned, picking up a pillow and screaming into it.

Larten facepalmed.

"Have a great time, all of you. I will stay here and hold down the fort. All I want to do is sit back and play with my new iPad when it's express-shipped tomorrow." Paris sighed blissfully. "Here I go, I'm about to order it!"

Excitedly, he tapped the Enter key. And his face suddenly melted into a mess of agony. Unable to form a coherent sentence, he grabbed Kurda's hyperventilation bag and ran out of the room. Seconds later, there was the sound of a coat rack sounding as though it was being smashed into the wall repetitively.

Darren turned the abandoned laptop to face the group and read it out loud:

_"DUE TO A MASSIVE CONSUMER REQUEST, THE APPLE IPAD HAS BEEN GLOBALLY SOLD OUT AND WILL NOT BE AVAILABLE UNTIL THE NEW YEAR. WE APOLOGIZE FOR ANY INCONVENIENCES AND/OR SUBSEQUENTIALLY RUINED CHRISTMASES."_

"What is an Eye-Pad?" Seba inquired. "Why would Paris' eyes need pads? What are pads?"

"They're kinda like tampons." Kurda supplied.

"And what on earth are tampons?" Seba continued without hesitation.

Kade told him.

"And why...WHY do his eyes need tampons?" Seba asked nervously.

"It's...like a computer-iPod...thing." Harkat offered the only knowledge he had of the iPad.

Seba was hopelessly confused, so Ronnie ignored the previous conversation.

"We're taking you guys to the mall so you can experience a traditional North American Christmas!" she squealed joyfully.

"They way it's meant to be experienced." Kade sighed happily.

"Crowds, screaming children, fake Santa Clauses, overpriced food, ridiculous human merchandise, fake elves, idiots speaking loudly on their cellular phones, obnoxious salespeople, these are a few of my favourite things." Larten grouched.

"But that's the fun part!" Kade and Ronnie yelped in perfect synchronization.

"I would rather handcuff myself to the fridge." said Larten firmly.

"Sorry, Larty. This trip's mandatory." Kade announced, patting him on the shoulder.

"Someone needs to stay and make sure Paris does not kill himself over this Eye-Pad abomin- I mean, issue." said Larten.

"We're taking him too, silly." Ronnie declared.

"Who knows, we might even find him an iPad. Malls are miraculous places." Kade added.

"Read my lips, Ladies." said Mika. "I'M. NAAAWT. GO-ING."

"Read my lips, emo kid. YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE!" Kade retorted.

"I. AM. NOT. A. FUCKING. EMO!" Mika howled in frustration with intense hand gestures. "WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK THAT?"

"Know how you could prove to the world that you're perfectly non-emo?" said Ronnie innocently.

Mika looked up suspiciously.

"COME TO THE MALL!" chorused the girls.

Vampire eyes went wide with shock and horror.

"Charna's ...!"

It was different for every Vampire. You can fill in the blanks with your imaginations.

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The more youu reviieww, the sooner chap 3 will be up ;) as always, thanks for reading!

Love Always & Stay Classy ;)

*RP & SB1,


	3. Wreck The Halls

Hey guys :) so there was a mixup and we've had this written for days haha but we're both having crappy weekends so we're venting to each other and giving ourselves some majjjooorrr DSS therapy and writing like crazzzy haha.

This is my fave chapter so far, definitely. Thanks a bil to everyone who reviewed!

We don't own the obvious! Ronnie is SB1's and Kadey is mine. Oh, and the vehicles are mine too... *smuggles into shed*

* * *

Darren sat in the front seat, strapped in his seatbelt as Ronnie fiddled with the music.

"Ronnie! Eyes on the road!" Darren shrieked, grasping onto the arm rests.

"Calm down, I know how to drive, Darren!" Ronnie rolled her eyes. Mika was in the backseat with his arms crossed, his facial expression only exuded one emotion, pissed. It had taken them at least twenty minutes to get him into the car, especially after he realized that Kurda was going to be his traveling companion because he wasn't going to miss out on the chance of driving in a bright pink truck listening to Taylor Swift, which was Ronnie's favorite, the whole way there.

"Let's like, blast the music and roll on the windows down and just enjoy life!" Kurda squealed, stomping his feet with excitement in the backseat.

"How about we like, all do each others nails and then like have a total little bitch fest!" Mika mocked, Kurda's eyes opened wide and his mouth dropped to the floor.

"REAAAAAAAAALLLY!"

"NO!" Mika snorted, "How long until we get here, if I have to listen to Taylor Swift and Kurda whine for one more minute I think I might die. The pinkness of this truck is stripping me of my manhood!"

"Cry me a river, Mika! And suck it up! Darren's a man, and he's not complaining." Ronnie grinned, looking over at Darren, who kept his eyes wide and on the road ahead of him.

"Yeah, he's a man for sure. He cried when we were watchin-"

"MIKA!" Darren cut him off, horrified.

"Alright, no more talking." Ronnie concluded, shaking her head and switching the iPod from Taylor Swift to her Eminem playlist, the bass shaking Kurda and Mika in the backseat.

"You just HAD to complain about the music!" Darren groaned.

###

"This is an abomination. And you know what else? I am unhappy at the fact that I had to come in this car without any wifflewaffers." Seba ranted from the backseat.

"No one invited you, and what is a wifflewaffer?" Arrow shot, he was in a bad mood. At the last second in time right when they were at the point of no return, his attempt to get alone with Kayden was ruined by Seba popping up in the backseat. Which scared the living hell out of Arrow, which in turn scared Kayden who almost swerved off the road and off of a cliff, which scared Seba who was confused on why they were all scared. Which in turn meant that all of his chances to use his super slick moves that he learned from watching 'The Pickup Artist', were invalid.

"A wifflewafer. Those pancakes with the despicable ridges and holes in them."

"That's just a waffle." Kayden moaned, she was sick of hearing Seba go on and on about the abominations in the world when she should be using her charm on Arrow. "You're a beacon of knowledge." Arrow laughed and looked over at Kayden who got nervous feeling his eyes on her. She instantly shook it off, looking for the exit to the mall, every now and then placing her foot a little harder on the pedal. Finally, Arrow put two and two together.

"Kade, are you racing Ronnie?" For the past hour or so the cars kept inching past each other, each time one got a little ahead, the other would pump the gas trying to take the leading position.

"Huh?" Kayden asked, the mischievous grin leaving her lips. The Hummer H2t plowed through the intersection right as the light turned from yellow to red, causing Ronnie to skid to a stop. She could hear her faint curses and see her slapping her palms on the steering wheel in the rear-view mirror. "Hell yeah! I mean, no of course not." she snickered gaining her composure.

"Well, if you are... at least we're winning!" Arrow instantly turned competitive, seeing the light turn green and the pink Chevy Silverado shoot off, "Go! Go! Go!" he laughed manically, along with Kayden as they began their death race to the mall parking lot.

###

"Where... are we." Harkat asked from the front seat, small, stumpy limbs holding a map as Larten squinted his eyes looking for any signs.

"If they were not driving so quickly, I would have been able to follow them. But of course not, being safe and following the rules is obviously not possible for those two!" Larten complained. He could have kept up if he drove the speed limit, even Paris who was hundreds of years old was telling him to drive faster. They were on the highway and the elderly on motor scooters were passing them by, throwing empty bottles of medication at them.

###

"Boys...WELCOME TO THE MALL!" Kade and Ronnie screamed. They were extremely skilled at shrieking in perfect unison at the same scarily high pitch. They were amidst a swirling sea of Christmas trees, donation boxes, salespeople dressed like elves, screaming children, screaming-even-louder parents, and blasting Christmas muzak.

Darren looked happy to be back in a human environment.

Arrow imitated Darren's look, extremely fakely. As soon as Kade looked away, his face morphed into a mask of horror that had a lot to do with the free sample of tree perfume that had just been sprayed on him by a saleslady.

Harkat looked wide-eyed and astounded, then he spotted a mall Santa.

"Hah...I knew...he was real! Pay up...guys."

Mika sighed and gave him a quarter to humour him.

Paris bolted to the nearest map and scoped out the stores that might have iPads.

Seba saw a shopping cart and screamed furiously about "Lazy good-fer-nothin humans who cannot handle carrying their own posessions and rely on robotics to do their dirty work!"

"WHERE IS YOUR 'OFF' BUTTON?" Kade howled.

"Don't let him see anyone walking around in reindeer antlers or he'll start his Interspecies Crossbreeding Is Bad speech." Arrow muttered.

Kurda tried to stampede into the nearby Guess By Marciano outlet store but was grabbed by Mika and told to 'stop making a god damn scene.'

After saving them all from death by Kurda Embarrassment, Mika put on his dark aviator shades and tried to dissapear. Arrow followed his lead, and they assumed their usual position -looking like bodyguards at the back of the group. But Kade had other ideas.

"Take. Those. OFF!" she smirked, swiping their shades one-at-a-time and shoving them into her purse. "I wanna see your pretty eyes."

"We don't have pretty eyes!" the boys whined.

"Whatevs."

"Okay guys." Darren spoke up as he always did. "I'm handing out the cards. Use them well!"

The Vampires eyes lit up in anticipation as Darren handed each of them...a shiny credit card.

"And mine is WHERE?" Ronnie gasped.

Darren turned RED.

"Uhm, well I only keep 8 on hand for emergencies, but..." he thought quickly. "...you can have mine!" he handed it to her.

Kade intercepted and hissed into Darren's ear "It's almost Christmas, buddy. You're gonna need that card, if ya know what I mean." she gestured at Ronnie.

Ronnie heard this, and smiled hugely as Darren re-pocketed his card. Kade returned to her side.

"Arrow's card better be pree damn full."

Both girls cracked up.

"You little money-honey!" Ronnie gushed.

"You were thinking the same thing!" Kade cackled.

"True that!"

Arrow didn't hear these statements. He whipped around and stared at Larten.

"Why the hell are they always giggling and what the hell are they giggling about?" he demanded.

"I have no idea of such matters, Arra was not a giggler." Larten retorted primly. "I would ask Kurda about matters such as giggling if you really wish to know."

"I don't think I wanna know thaat bad." Arrow grunted.

"Okay, where to first?" Darren bellowed over the crowd. Larten supressed a smile of pride that his stident hadn't abandoned his 3 C's in the presence of a girl. He had to admit Ronnie was a far better option than Deborah Hemlock.

"STAPLES!" Paris roared.

"GUESS, NO, ABERCROMBIE, NO, PINK, NO, H&M, NO, ARITZIA, NO-OMG I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO!" Kurda wailed.

"To see...Santa?" Harkat asked hopefully.

"THE FOOD COURT!" bellowed Mika Arrow and Harkat

"Charna's Thighs, you guys! You can't get snackage until you've hit AT LEAST 3 stores! Or else you look like a fatty!" Kurda gasped.

"OKAY! To shut Kurda up for a while, we'll go to Guess first." Darren ordered, and the Gang moved forwards despite Mika's complaints.

However, Guess proved to be not that bad. Kurda went into orgasm overdrive as he tried on sunglasses after sunglasses after sunglasses after sunglasses. Mika (suprising nobody more than himself) found a pair of jeans he quite liked (jet black with spikes on the butt pockets), and Seba even found a charming little hat that he would later forget he was wearing and walk out of the store with it on his head. And Kade and Ronnie secluded themselves in the boots-and-handbags corner, trying on, modelling, comparing, and not bothering to check the price tags.

At this point, Darren and Arrow formed an alliance - Arrow distracted the girls by asking their opinions on what colour dinner jacket looked best on him (pretending to give a shit was the hardest thing he'd ever done) while Darren snuck the girls' desired boots and bags up to the cash register, out to the Escalade, and got himself back into the store before anyone noticed he was gone.

"OH BITCH." Kade screamed. "SOME WHORE STOLE THE PURSE I WAS GONNA GET!"

"AND MY BOOTIES ARE GONE!" Ronnie howled. "WHO WOULD DO THIS?" They then proceeded to hug each other as though they'd just suffered a horrible crisis.

Larten rolled his eyes. Kurda joined the hug. Arrow and Darren snickered. Once Guess had kicked them out, it was on to Paris' little shop of fantasy: Staples Business Depot.

Paris went straight to find the manager (he was easily located because he was wearing a hat labelled "Master Elf) to help him locate an iPad. Kurda went to take pictures of himself on all the cameras. Harkat played with the colourful iPods. Mika, Arrow, and Kade did some Extreme Spinning in the office chairs, which resulted in Mika 'accidentally' crashing into Arrow and flinging him into Kade. They went flying and smash-landed in the desk section. Meanwhile Ronnie and Darren got blissfully lost in the paper aisle and stayed there for a long time. It was assumed the aisle contained mistletoe.

And Larten and Seba hated the entire place so they sat down in what seemed to be some innocent leather chairs. Seba's immediately began vibrating violently, causing him to scream that he was being eaten alive or else blasting into space, he couldn't seem to make up his mind. And Larten's tipped back like a dentist chair, causing the orange-haired Vampire to suffer an extreme feeling of vertigo and accompanying nausea which resulted in him flipping over backwards, bringing the chair down with him, getting half-crushed, then trying to scramble to the bathroom, but not quite making it, and-

"Blllluuuugggghhhhhh!"

-all over the hottest new cell phones.

"Charna's - um, Guts." said Darren as he emerged from the paper aisle in time. "...Think they can re-sell those?"

"It's called Febreeze." Ronnie snickered.

They went back to the paper aisle.

Half an hour later, everyone met at the front of the store like they'd agreed.

Paris looked completely stunned as though he'd just been told his family had eaten each other alive. This was because the Master Elf had re-affirmed that there was indeed a worldwide shortage of iPads, and there was none to be found in this mall, or any mall. So Paris was simply in shock.

"Jeez, do you think we should put a blanket on him or something?" Kade remarked.

"Nah, Darren always looks like that when we go on trips, but he's fine in the end." said Arrow.

Harkat was now the proud owner of a label maker, which had been a joint venture with Kurda.

"We got a label maker and we're gonna make a label for the label maker that says label maker!" Kurda gushed.

"What...IS THIS?" Seba asked.

"It's like a little machine that makes special stickers that say whatever you want!" Kurda explained delightedly while Harkat took it on a trial run, which resulted in a sticker reading "Pinch me, I am an Abomination" being stuck to Seba's back.

"Just remember...it is technically...MY...label maker...because you paid...twenty bucks...and I paid...twenty bucks and...7 cents. Mine." Harkat declared. No one had ever heard him so incredibly defensive. Kurda snuffled but didn't argue.

Larten was still nauseated from his 'ride' on the reclining chair.

"You were on it what, 10 seconds? All it did was tip back!" Darren gasped.

"Yes, well it did so extremely fast." Larten grumbled. "I could sue for a heart attack."

"And they could sue you for wrecking their new shipment of Blackberries 'n iPhones." Ronnie chuckled.

"Let's just get outta here." Kade muttered. "We broke an orthopedic chair AND a deluxe desk..."

"Don't forget, I also kicked that 10-year-old who stared at my head funny." Arrow muttered.

Darren sighed.

"Guess, check. Staples, check. Where to next?"

"BATH AND BODYWORKS!" Kurda shrieked.

"YEEAAHH!" Kade and Ronnie hollered.

"Woo!" said Harkat.

"Yay.." croaked Arrow.

"Um...onwards, I guess." sighed Darren.

"THIS PLACE STINKS OF UNNATURAL CHEMICAL ABOMINATIONS." Seba snarled furiously, sinking his fingernails into the wall in an expression of refusal to enter. Kade and Ronnie grabbed his shoulders and PULLED, and Seba was hauled into B&BW leaving claw marks in the wall.

Arrow, Mika, Larten, Paris, Seba and Darren huddled in the least-scented corner of the room, darting their eyes nervously.

"This...is...HEAVEN!" Kurda gasped, immediately grabbing a shopping basket and delving into a barrel of colorful candles.

"You said that when we walked into Guess, you'll say it every time we walk into a chick store, you say it when Gossip Girl is on TV, and you say it when you eat low-cal frosted cookies." Mika grunted.

"Mika, take your negative energy out of this pure place." Kurda quipped, dousing himself with body-spray samples. "How do I smellllll?"

"Like a million fruits." said Ronnie with an eye roll.

"Like a chemical factory." Mika snarked.

"I told you!" Seba screeched.

"Hey now, I think Kurda smells great." Kade interjected, picking up a bottle labelled Cherry Bomb and spritzing herself. Ronnie grabbed a similar bottle called Turquoise Mist. Then their eyes met, and they cracked identical evil grins and scooped up an armful of samples. They ducked behind the Lip Gloss Central table, and with with no warning whatsoever, the 6 reluctant Vampires were suddenly bombarded with 'foul' smelling body spray.

"'Citrus Scream' for Larten, 'Peach On A Beach' for Arrow, 'Sex On The Moon Green Apple' for Seba!" Kade shrieked, spraying rampantly.

"'Grape-Nut Helix' for Mika, 'Bubblegum Hurricane' for Darren, and 'Cucumber Cream Dreams' for Paris!" Ronnie added, also spray-tackling.

Anyone walking past the store might have thought that a large amount of people were being very violently murdered inside, because the Vampires put up a supreme fuss at being sprayed and tipped over several displays in their attempt to escape. Had the doorway not been in in front of them, they would have smashed directly through the glass walls. They fled down the central corridor of the mall and ended their sprint in a massive decorative fountain right beside the fake North Pole where they submerged and scrubbed themselves in a desperate attempt to remove the scents. As they rolled and splashed, screaming profanities, Ronnie and Kayden strutted out of the crowd and whipped out their phones -a sleek little iPhone for Ronn and a cute red Blackberry for Kade- and began snapping pictures and laughing as though it was absolutely the funniest thing they'd ever seen. Kurda and Harkat accompanied them, Kurda looking glam and Harkat looking like a celebrity's kid.

"Kadey...Ronnie...I thought we were friends!" Mika gagged, scrubbing his hair and still exuding the scent of 'GrapeNut Helix'.

"We are!" Ronnie chirped. "And friends make friends smell nice!"

Mika howled in agony and shoved his entire head underwater.

"IT'S...SANTA!" Harkat bellowed suddenly, spotting the mall Santa entertaining kids on the other side of the fountain. "JOY...TO...THE...WORLD!"

"Yahoo." grunted Arrow, climbing out of the fountain and shaking like a wet dog. "Kadey, I'm gonna get you for that."

Kade tilted her head to the side and stared up at him. "Gimme your best shot."

No one could be entirely sure, but it looked like Arrow melted a tiny bit.

"Okay boys, we're gonna get you dried off, then guess what?" Ronnie grinned, grabbing Darren's hand and dragging him out of the fountain.

"WE GET TO GO TO ABERCROMBIE, NO WAIT, HOLLISTER, NO WAIT, BANANA REPUBLIC, NO WAIT, COACH, NO WAIT, ARMANI XCHANGE, NO-" Kurda spluttered

"We get to go home?" Larten begged, sniffing himself and groaning when he realized he still smelled like 'Citrus Scream'.

"Actually, we're getting our annual Christmas picture taken with Santa." Kade smirked.

"But we always do that by the Stone of Blood!" Paris whined.

"Yeah, and I really don't wanna have to explain that to my parents, so we're gonna replace that thing with Santa this year." Kade shot back.

"Don'tcha think it's time for a change?" Ronnie wheedled, grinning at Darren.

"...Absolutely?" said the boy Prince weakly.

"One hundred percent." Arrow sighed.

"Who are you what have you done to Arrow?" Mika groaned, smacking him upside the head.

"Shuddup bro, consider this revenge from this summer." Arrow grumbled.

Mika shut up.

Ronnie and Kade then set up 'Operation Dry Vampires' where they stole some 'stay-out-we're-cleaning' signs and parked them in front of the Ladies' Room then snuck the gang in Mission: Impossible style and parked them in under the automatic hand dryers.

"I don't see why we couldn't have used the Men's Room." grunted Mika several minutes later. "There's 8 of us and 2 of you."

Kade simply adjusted her hair and Ronnie hummed a tune while they both inspected themselves in the mirror.

"I think we are plenty dry now." Larten grouched, stepping out from under his blowdryer. "Let us get this Santa Claus ordeal over and done with."

"Waaaaait!" Kurda wailed. He was busy straightening his hair with his mini-cordless straightener which he always kept on him.

"You shouldn't have told him there was gonna be a picture taken." Arrow groaned. "We're gonna be here for another 5 hours."

"Noooo, only till I tame these wild little beasts!" Kurda snapped, referring to the little hairs at the back of his neck that curled when wet.

"You can't see that from a picture. Turn the straightener off." Mika rumbled, reaching for it.

"BUT I'M NOT MYSELF UNLESS THEY'RE STRAIGHT!" Kurda howled.

"OWW, AGGHHH! Gods forbid you don't look like 'yourself' in one frigging picture." the dark Prince growled, recoiling with a painful-looking straightner-shaped burn on his hand.

"It's all fun and games till someone loses a body part." sighed Ronnie.

"Oookay let's move out before anyone gets killed." Kade ordered. "Come on, up ya get."

"But we were having sooo much fun on the chicks' bathroom floor." said Mika peevishly. Kade kicked him in the shins.

###

But 3 hours later, Mika and everyone else would have given anything to be back on the floor because they found out the hard way that Santa lines move terribly terribly slowly. At one point Kurda snuck off to clean out Abercrombie and came back worrying he'd missed the picture only to realize the line had moved 4 feet and no one had noticed he left. Darren even had time to run off and bring everyone back a burger. And Harkat took a nap on the floor, on Seba's coat as Mika held the arm of the coat and pulled him along.

Finally, finally, FINALLY,

"Wake up Harkat. Time to see Ho-Ho Man."

"Yay!" the Little Person wheezed, scrambling into his lap.

"Ho ho ho, Merrrry-" Santa began, but Harkat cut him off.

"I want a...mini-laptop in...lime green...a subscription to...Puppies Monthly magazine...a waterproof camera...a year's supply of...ring-pops, and...a big crate of...bendy-straws...a tub of Silly Putti...and a-"

"Oookay that's enough for one Little Person." said Kurda, joining him on Santa's lap. "I want a Chanel quilted tote, the new 2011 set of Louis Vuitton luggage, all the seasons of Gossip Girl because Mika dropped mine on the Pit of Stakes, some more fuzzy pillows, and a new Blackberry Torch in Pink! I know they only come in red, black, and white but you're Santa, soo? Also I want the Limited Edition Abercrombie hoodie that's supposedly sold out everywhere-"

"Wrap it up, Smahlt." Santa grunted.

However, no one heard the suspicious fact that Santa knew Kurda's name, because Paris bellowed,

"I WANT AN IPAD PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!"

"EVERYONE LINE UP FOR THE PICTURE, RIGHT NOW!" Darren snapped, getting very tired.

It took about 6 minutes to get organized, but it ended with Kurda and Harkat piled happily on Santa's lap, Darren and Ronnie kneeling on the floor in front of Santa grinning from ear to ear and leaning into each other. Arrow standing beside Santa, holding Kade who lay sideways in his arms like a figure skater or supermodel or something. Mika standing on Arrow's other side, doing the V-sign behind his head. Seba and Paris beside him, Paris smiling toothily and Seba hollering about the Why Interspecies Crossbreeding Is Bad - he'd just seen a person walk by wearing antlers. And Larten on the end of the row, who suddenly looked extremely suspicious of the Santa Claus.

Just before the photographer snapped the perfect holiday family photo, Larten hollered,

"CALL SECURITY, SANTA CLAUS IS GANNEN HARST!"

The pose was held for another millisecond, the picture was snapped, and then all Hell broke loose.

* * *

;)

Review please. We don't like begging but neither of us are having a happy week so every little word helps! xo

*RP & SB1,


	4. Making Demands

Wow, less than 24 hours later. Whatta team ;)

We don't own the characters or the song lyrics! only Ronnie and Kade are ours :)

THANKS REVIEWERS! we adore you all!

Updates for OFL2 & SNS in the near future! Everything else is on hold till after xmas, which is only 6 days away!

E N J O Y : )

* * *

"No way," Ronnie started, grabbing the face of the accused Santa and turning it her way. "What the tits, that IS Gannen!" she concluded shoving his face back to the side with a rough push.

"Security! Security! This Santa is a fake!" Larten waved, causing a couple of kids in the line to break into tears, and even Kurda to start to sniffle.

"Wait, so Santa isn't real?" he questioned, pushing his hands into the pockets of his baby blue sweatshirt. But at this time, one of the enraged parents was trying to start a fight a Larten because their child had called him something offensive.

"You are insane! Do you walk around trying to make little kids sad?" The father barked.

"You think that I am bad? I was raised with discipline, and I am apparently unable to behave myself. That little ingrate of yours has no discipline, running around and calling people 'ugly dummies', so the poor little twit will grow to become a monster!" Larten scoffed.

"Whose's Gannen!" Kade called from all the insanity.

"He's basically Steve's little bitch." Mika sneered, beckoning over to the now empty seat, "and he's gone!" Darren searched around, it had taken a second for him to get all of this C's back into line and now he was ready to try and control the situation. His eyes drew to a long hallway where Gannen was sprinting, articles of Clause clothing stripping from his body as he did so, leaving a trail.

"There he is! Let's go!" Darren called, turning and hoping to see his group of Vampires all in line ready for pursuit in organized units. Yeah, definitely wasn't going to happen like that.

Ronnie, thankfully, was at his side and didn't decide to get into any quarrels, this time. He had to pull a screaming Seba away from a security officer who was furiously scribbling on his pad as he yelled that he was glad he was no longer allowed to step foot in the abomination that they called a mall. He also had no idea why people kept walking up behind him and pinching him. Due to his long beard, Paris decided to temporarily fill in the Santa position: apparently by the look of him and his clothing, he was just Santa who came back from vacation in Hawaii. Kade and Arrow were snickering, gathering money from parents who were paying extra have their children get in a picture with the substitute Santa Clause. Kurda was being pulled out of a store he had snuck into by Harkat, who held his label maker close to his chest, stopping once or twice to label the obvious such as 'in' and 'out' on the door, then a water fountain, a shopping cart, and a retarded kid.

"Harkat! Help me find Gannen!" Darren wailed desperately.

Harkat simply labelled him "incompetent" and kept walking.

Mika suddenly returned to the group, having apparently snuck off to the food court. He was holding 2 trays per hand, each piled high with samples of food from absolutely everywhere.

"FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!" roared Arrow, Kade, Ronnie, Seba, Harkat, Kurda, and even Paris who leaped off the Santa chair, sending a little boy flying across the room.

"Whaddaboutme?" Darren whined. "We gotta go after Gannen! Cuz where there's Gannen THERE'S STEVE!"

No one looked, they were too busy ravaging the food supply. This was not Darren had in mind.

"I SAID, where there's Gannen there's Steve!"

Nada. Other than Kurda starting to cry because he'd just accidentally eaten a calorie. And Seba throwing an absolute fit over the abomination that was curly fries. And Kade smack him upside the head and scream at him to shut the hell up.

_Know what? _said Darren to himself. _Fuck Steve! It's not every day I get to hang out in the mall. Sure he's out to get me and might assasinate me any minute, but screw it! I AM HERE TO HAVE FUN, GODDAMMIT! Plus, everyone here couldn't care less!_

And he pushed all thoughts of Gannen and Steve from his head and went to munch some fries. And chug some pop. And hold Ronnie's hand. And watch Kurda get up in the middle of the fake North Pole and sing karaoke.

"Laaaaaast Christmaaas, I gave you mah heart, but the very next daaay, you gaaave it awaaay. Thiiiiis yeaaar, to saave me from teaaars, I'll giive it to someone speciaaaal!" ["Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift.]

Even Mika, Arrow, and Kade joined in:

"Santa is coming tonight, and I wanna car, and I wanna life, and I wanna first class trip to Hawaii! I wanna lifetime supply of skittles and slurpies and eskimo pies, I wanna DVD, a big-screen TV, just bring me things that I don't neeeeed. Cuz now it's Chriiissttmmaaas, and I want everything, I just can't wait! Chriiiistmas, so don't stop spending, I wanna million gifts, that's right, don't forget my Christmas list tonight!" ["My Christmas List" by Simple Plan"]

By now a crowd had gathered and was cheering the singing Vampires on. The cheers grew even louder -or was it just Darren's?- when Ronnie hijacked a guitar from the music store and took center stage:

"Santa Baby, slip a sable under the tree, for me. I've been an awful good girl, Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimey tonight! Santa Baby, a '54 convertible too, like new. I'll wait up for you dear, Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight!" ["Santa Baby" by Taylor Swift"]

Even Paris, Seba, and Larten joined in the fun to harmonize "Carol Of The Bells."

"Hark how the bells, sweet silver bells, all seem to say, throw cares away Christmas is here, bringing good cheer, to young and old,meek and the bold, Oh how they pound, raising the sound, o'er hill and dale, telling their tale, Gaily they ring while people sing songs of good cheer, Christmas is here, Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas, Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas, On on they send, on without end, their joyful tone to every home. Ding dong ding dong, that is their song, ding dong ding dong..."

Then Harkat took over:

I remember last Christmas Eve...something happened that I couldn't believe...I went for a walk as the snow came down...And when it stopped I was in a different town...And the sign said have no fear...your not lost your here! Walking this christmas...Down santa claus lane...No need to wonder...No need to explain...Just have some faith in what you see...Your right here where you wanna be...Walking this christmas...Down santa claus lane...Down Santa Claus Lane..." ["Santa Claus Lane" by Hilary Duff."

Kurda shoved Harkat to the side to take a second turn in the spotlight, but before he finished the first line of Miley Cyrus' rendition of "Rocking Around the Christmas Tree", the mall intercom system cut in over the stereos.

"COULD I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE. YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE. THIS IS THE LORD OF THE VAMPANEZE SPEAKING."

"It's Steve!" Darren bellowed. "I TOLD YOU!"

Larten clamped a hand over his mouth and they listened:

"I WOULD LIKE TO DRAW ATTENTION TO THE FACT THAT MY ASSOCIATE AND I HAVE APPREHENDED THE REAL SANTA CLAUS, HENCE CANCELLING CHRISTMAS AND ALL ITS FESTIVITIES!"

Panic broke out among the humans. The Vampires exchanged suspicious glances.

"And we care...why?" Paris yelled at the ceiling.

"I thought you might ask that, Mr. Skyle." Steve's voice continued. "May I remind you that Santa Claus is the only person in the world with access to the Apple iPad?"

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?" Paris howled.

"I have one very very simple request, Mr. Skyle and company." Steve continued smoothly. "Then you may have the Claus back."

"I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING! I JUST NEED AN IPAD!"

"You'll get your iPad, Mr. Skyle. As soon as you hand over the Stone of Blood."

Whatever Paris screamed next was drowned out by Mika, Arrow, and Darren tackling him to the floor and covering his mouth.

"NEVER!" the other Princes roared furiously while Paris whimpered something indeterminable.

"Fine then, boys." Steve replied boredly. "Then I suppose Arrow will never see the chrome rims from his Hummer again...that's right, I know where you parked and the rims are safe with me...for now."

Mika also had to gag Arrow at this point.

"He can live without them!" Mika snarled. "You'll never see our Stone as long as you live, you little slimeball!"

"That's all well and good, Mr. Ver Leth. But what will you do when I drop a bomb on the little coffee bean plantation in Moldovia that creates your extra-special extra-dark roast beans?" the Lord of the Vampaneze continued.

"OKAYOKAYOKAY JUST TAKE THE DAMN STONE!" Mika wailed.

"Guuuuuys!" Darren groaned. "We can't let him do this!"

"ASSWIPE, IF YOU DON'T HELP GET ME THAT STONE I'LL DROP A NUKE ON OUR HOMETOWN!" Steve roared.

"YOU WOULDN'T!"

"Are you sure? I have a helicopter circling the town with an armed bomb that says otherwise."

"Well, let's go get the Stone then." Darren grunted.

"Good boys." Steve stated with a greasy smile in his voice. "You have 3 hours to go back to the Mountain, get your little Stone, and bring it right back here to the fake North Pole where I will have the Fat Man waiting. We will make our exchange, and you can have the Claus back. Deal?"

"Deal." said the Princes.

"WHAT?" screamed Larten. "WHY?"

"OF ALL THE BLASPHEMOUS BEHAVIOR I HAVE WITNESSED IN MY YEARS I HAVE NEVER SEEN SUCH AN ABOMINATION!" Seba screamed.

"HOW...COULD...YOU?" Harkat wailed. "I'm not even...a Vampire...and I know...that's not...ok!"

"But we still get to go to Hollister, right?" Kurda whined.

In a security room in the mall's storage attic, Steve sat back on a stolen office chair in front of the closed-circuit TVs and watched the carnage.

* * *

;) you know what to doOoOoOoOoO! We're consulting about chapter 5 right now as you read :) intense stuff! hahaa

*RP & SB1,


	5. All I want for Christmas is an SOB

The second last chapter! as usual done half by SB1 and half by me :)

We don't own anything but Ronnie and Kade, also we don't own Fred of Youtube :(

Anyway I'm in a rush so thanks to everyone who reviewed, we adore you :)

* * *

"Well, we're screwed!" Ronnie sighed, looking around. She grabbed Darren's hand, who was panicking and sweating profusely. Mika and Kayden were sitting beside Arrow whose whole head had turned red, mostly because Kayden was dangerously close to him, but because his beloved rims were not in their rightful place his beloved Hummer. Harkat had to restrain Paris because for twenty minutes he was full on fighting with Ronnie for her car keys so that he could go and get the Stone of Blood, and then receive his iPad; which would have a way for them to retrieve the Stone after he received it. Kurda was looking over his nails and using the new pocket sized buffer to make them shiny.

"We can't give him the Stone!" Kayden interjected.

"But we have to! There's no other choice!" Darren wailed, putting his face into the palms of his hands.

"This is an abomination" Seba squealed, and for once, everyone agreed with him.

"Has Steve ever seen the real SOB?" Ronnie spoke up, lifting her brows up to her hairline.

"SO...B?" Harkat along with the rest of the gang looked over at Kayden for translation.

"Stone of blood. Seriously, I know sometimes she's hard to understand. You couldn't put that much together?" She rolled her eyes, and continued to comfort Arrow, even though she was doing more damage to his chest cavity than helping due to the speed of his heart rate.

"Wait. Obviously Steve's a dumbass, we all know that. So we should just give him a fake!" Mika snorted.

"Finally Veronica, you said something useful." Larten exasperated, "But where do we get another Stone, without Steve seeing?"

"I'm sooooooooooo lost." Kurda said, rubbing his temples. Harkat simply just walked over and slapped a label on his forehead that read 'VACANT'.

"I'm sure we can find a SOB look a like around here." Arrow mumbled from his position with his head in his hands that was similar to Darren's.  
"My iPad could find one!" Paris cried theatrically.

"That's not the first thing we should be worrying about, Steve is watching us like a hawk." Darren breathed, almost cracking under the stress, again.

"Don't leopards eat hawks?" Kurda buzzed in, once again. "Like, he can't be watching us like a hawk if he's a leopard. That just wouldn't be right!"

"The fact that you are apart of the vampire race is just NOT. RIGHT." Mika quipped, his arms crossed on his chest one hand free to rub his chin deep in thought.

"Why dont we just... go to that place over there... that I labeled... control room... turn off the cameras... and then get the fake... and give it to him?" Harkat asked from his spot under the table.

"That's a great plan!" Darren jumped excitedly.

"But Steve would see us going to the control room." Larten pressed.

"Why do you always have to rain on the parade? You Debbie-Dumbass." Kade groaned.

"I believe the term is Debbie-Downer." Larten stated believing he was the poster child for knowledge.

"No, Debbie is a dumb ass. So the term is Debbie Dumbass." Ronnie answered, pursing her lips and shaking her head.

"We just need someone to distract Steve for a couple of minutes." Darren pressed his fist against his forehead.

"What sort of abomination would distract that nincompoop?" Seba snarled.

"Well, I know what distracts me," Kurda started, but Mika eagerly reached over and covered his mouth, that would be too long of a list. But havoc ensued when Kurda started to cry due to the fact that Mika had stuck his hand straight in his 'Sweet Strawberry' lipgloss and Mika had an allergic reaction to the pigments in the gloss and his hand began to burn uncontrollably and then swell. Once order was regained, Arrow spoke up,

"He's a dude, so he'd be distracted by food, football and chicks." His last statement made a mischievous smile grow on Darren's lips and the other vampires who were capable of putting two and two together whip their heads in Ronnie's direction.

"Oh, HELLLLLLLL no." Ronnie raised her hands, shaking them back forth along with her head, blonde curls shaking back and forth. "Nope, never. Nada. No WAY."

"Oh, yes way." Kayden nodded.

"Darren!", Ronnie gaped, looking over at her stupidly smiling boyfriend, "There's no way you can be on board with this!"

"Well, Ronnie. There's a lot at stake," He started, but Mika took over.

"Listen, Ron. Ronnie, doll. You gotta do it. Take one for the team!"

"Why do I always have to take one for the team!" She scowled, whining a whine that would make Kurda proud.

"Because you are...pretty." Harkat gushed.

"Nice try," Ronnie snorted, "I'm not doing it!"

###

Steve shot his head in the direction of the door opening and he didn't even notice that his guards must have been knocked out one by one(by Mika, Arrow and Kayden specifically), for her to get there.

"Hello, Steve." Ronnie greeted unenthusiastically, placing a hand on her hip and the other on the wall in the doorway accompanied with an unseen eye roll. This time REALLY was the last time she would ever take one for the team.

###

"Alright," Kade smiled, blood pumping from the fight with the vampaneze guards. "We planted the bait, now we need to turn off the cameras and find a fake stone!"

"We should do it both in teams, so we save time." Seba nodded, the group turned towards him their mouths wide because he said something sensible, without abomination in the sentence. "AND THEN WELL GIVE THE ABOMINATION TO THE BRAT AND I WILL GET ME SOME WIFFLEWAFERS."

"Okay...then." Harkat concluded.

"Harkat, Larten, Kurda and Paris you go and find a fake SOB," Darren ordered and gave Larten a sharp look as he was about to remind Darren who was whose boss. "Kade, Arrow, Seba and I will go and disengage the cameras."

"What am I supposed to do?" Mika pressed his hands in his pockets, wanting to get into the action.

"You have to stay by the control room. If something happens with Steve and Ronnie-"

"You want me to make sure your girlfriend doesn't cheat on you, how sad Darren."

"No. If Steve catches on, he'll be even more mad than before and it'll just be bad. ITS A PRECAUTION!" Darren defended. The teams broke off, Team A (Kurda, Larten, Paris and Harkat) made their way to the Martha Stewart Outlet, and Team B (Kade, Arrow, Seba and Darren) made their way to the Harkat labeled Control Room.

"Oh man, these would totally go great with my bed spread at the mountain!" Kurda gushed holding up fuzzy throw pillows a long with a set of silverware.

"Why the silverware? I hope you are not eating your furniture, again." Larten snickered. Looking truly appalled, he looked at the silverware in his hands,

"Wait, these aren't for- oh no! It's all been a lie!"

"Ok...then." Harkat concluded again, looking at the outdoor scenery of the outlet filled with middle aged women and some old men. Larten took in a large quantity of air when he saw an exact replica of Paris's current shirt on a rack adjacent to them.

"What, the MS originals are in style!" Paris scoffed, brushing imaginary dust off of his shoulder.

"Here... this looks exactly like... it." Harkat lifted an exact replica of the SOB over his head.

"Do you think Martha is a Vampire? Or related to some?" Kurda bubbled, "What is Martha is the lord of the vampaneze! And it's all a trap! I swear that's the real SOB!"

###

Meanwhile, Team B had made their way into the control room with a little too much ease.

"We can't just turn off the cameras, that's sketchy!" Kade clicked her tounge.

"What is this abominable room? Are these controls for the robots in the stores?" Seba squinted at the screen.

"Those are real people, not robots." Arrow looked at him like an idiot, but Seba just raised a finger.

"So you think, so you think...in fact, this is what they WANT you to think!"

"Let's just keep switching the cameras and make sure they show everything BUT where they are." Darren nodded, leaning over to the controls.

"Wow, Shan. You DO have a brain up there." Kade commented. "Gotta say, I'm impressed."

"So... what exactly are we doing here?" asked Arrow.

"Are you deaf? We're keeping the screens off of the others so Steevo doesn't see them." Kade snapped. "Pay attention."

As Darren and Kade messed around with the screens, Seba began to get restless and started to literally climb the walls, as he tended to do when he was uneasy. He climbed right up the security guard's fridge, stepped on the printer, until he could reach the ceiling. He pressed, poked, pryed, and scratched until the plastic tile against the top of his head gave out, and he was granted access up into the next floor. He pulled himself upwards, and found himself behind a desk. He peeked around the corner, it was a sort of storage area/office sort of room. There were three people gathered in front of a computer...one of which was a Vampaneze!

"Of all the abominative desecrations!" Seba hissed under his breath.

"Steve, can we watch something else? You've been X-box-ing for an hour. I want to watch Fred on youtube!" the Vampaneze grouched.

"Go nuts." Steve grunted, getting off the spinny chair and walking across the room to snatch up a microphone from the desk Seba was under.

Ronnie sat boredly on the abandoned spinny chair. Turned out Steve had been more distracted by playing X-Box Live. Typical man. She wondered if Steve would notice if she left.

"What are you going to do with that?" Gannen asked nervously.

"Oh relax. It's not even plugged in." Steve snapped.

Gannen went back to Youtubing.

"The nerve of him! I will show them... I will bamboozle their abominative little cords!" Seba mumbled to himself. There were two cords connected in front of him, and another that lay without a connection.

Seba deftly unplugged the two. There was a little spark, and Gannen howled,

"THE COMPUTER DIED!"

"Take that, bastardly purple demon." Seba snickered.

He then proceeded to plug the other cord into the first... at the exact same time Steve started to sing.

Then naturally, his song was broadcasted through the entire mall without him knowing. It appeared to be a less-than-intelligent remix of Fred Figglehorn's _"Christmas Cash"_

"You know Gannen is always getting me really weird Christmas presents!"  
(_"Steve!"_ Gannen whined)  
I mean doesn't she know what I really want? (_Well you never told me! _) THE STONE OF BLOOD!  
Turtle necks... Thanks but no thanks!  
I don't want any of that stuff,  
You know what I'm sayin'?"

At this point, Ronnie did leave.

"Don't need no video games,  
They only fry your brain!  
Don't want a squirrel shaver-Got enough stuff!  
Don't need back acne cream...  
Or any fried beans,  
No MP3 player... I don't want much!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!  
Nothing to fancy,  
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!  
One thing I like, If you really want to know!  
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!  
You don't have to ask me,  
I can make it easy for you all I want for Christmas is..."

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?" Kade shrieked furiously, one floor down from Steve.

"IT'S STEVE, THAT EVIL LITTLE SHIT!" Darren hollered.

"He has NO business singing, at all." Arrow grumbled, watching Kade successfully scramble the security screens.

"STONE OF BLOOD!  
SOB, SOB, SOB SOB!  
I need it...  
SOB!  
All I really want is... the SOB  
SOB, SOB, YEAH! SOB, SOB  
You don't even have to wrap it...  
You know just what I need.

SOB!  
SOB!  
SOB!  
SOB!  
Yeah I'm rich!

Don't need a cell phone!  
Can call myself at home,  
Don't buy me clothes,  
I only need my one shirt! It's good enough for me!  
Don't need no wart remover,  
Electric trainer, or scooter!  
Instead of shopping let me save you the work, Just trying to be nice!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!  
Nothing to fancy, let me explain!  
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!  
One thing I like! SOB!  
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!  
You don't have to ask me,  
I can make it easy for you,  
All I want for Christmas, Is...

SOB, SOB, SOB, SOB!  
You don't even have to wrap it,  
You know just what I need!

SOB, SOB  
SOB, SOB  
Yeah I'm rich!"

"Gods. That's definitley enough Fred karaoke for one lifetime." Kade sighed as the song finally ended.

"Wait...Gannen...what does this little green light mean? No, that one! ON? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ON? Are you telling me...THAT WAS LIVE ON AIR?" Steve's howl was heard over the intercom. Then there was a deathly scream and the sound of static.

Arrow took matters into his own hands and punched out the speaker mounted on the wall. At this point, Seba had dropped back down into their room, but no one had noticed his abscence.

"I just got a text from Harkat! They found a subsitute SOB and we're ready to go!" Kade yelled triumphantly, holding up her Blackberry. "We have to meet them back at the food court. I'm going to crash the system so they don't see us walking down there. But I don't know how long it'll take them to fix it, so let's GO GO GO!"

###

"What? Why? Gannen? What did you do?" Steve whined as the security screens went black.

"I didn't do anything!" Gannen glared, ears still ringing from Steve's Fred impression.

"Well, fix it." Steve sneered. "I wanna see when those little punk-ass Vampires get here!"

Gannen fiddled with some buttons, and by pure luck the videos came back up. Revealing a pack of 7 Vampires, a Little Person holding a Martha Stewart bag., and 2 cute girls.

"It's go time." said Steve. "Bring out the Fat Man."

Gannen strode over to a closet on the left side of the room, opened it, and dragged out Santa Claus himself, bound and gagged.

"Looks like you'll get to make your special deliveries after all. And you have willpower-less Vampires to thank." Steve drawled.

The Claus glared and flipped Steve off, but he took no notice.

"LET'S GO!"

###

"So... you didn't pussy out." said Steve with a grin as he approached the Vampire Mountain gang. "I'm assuming that's my SOB in the Martha Stewart bag? I'll just be taking that..."

He reached for it, but Harkat kicked him in the shin.

"NOT...TILL...WE...GET...SANTA!"

"So noble." said Steve with a roll of his eyes. He shoved Santa at the crowd of Vampires.

"Here you go, now gimme the damn SOB!" he felt the same manical insanity he'd felt during his song...

"Steven Leonard, you are doing the world a grave injustice." Paris sighed.

"Zip it, Old Man. Or you'll never see an iPad for the rest of your life." Steve bitched.

Paris zipped it.

"Call off the bombs, Steve. Don't you dare touch my hometown. Here's your SOB." said Darren icily, giving Ronnie chills.

And Darren handed him the Martha Stewart bag.

"Just curious, why's it in an MS bag?" Gannen inquired.

_Oh shit_. Harkat thought. But he thought quickly and said,

"We order a lot...of decor...from her...and she always...sends us...free bags...with orders over 500$."

Gannen accepted that.

"Harkat, you took the price sticker off, right?" Kade hissed.

Harkat nodded. That wasn't entirely truthful -it refused to be unstuck no matter how hard he pulled- but he had completely covered it in a label reading, "REAL ACTUAL LEGITIMATE STONE OF BLOOD".

Steve pulled it out of the bag. He stared at it for a long 30 seconds. The Vampires saw the label and facepalmed. Gannen sweated nervously. Santa looked around, hoping to be untied but no one was paying him any attention.

Finally, Steve looked up. And flung the SOB right at Darren's face, however Ronnie defensively whacked it away with her purse. Darren looked beyond amazed, and then terrified as Steve advanced on him.

"DO YOU PANSYPUSSES THINK I'M A COMPLETE IGNORAMUS?" he howled. "I KNOW MOTHERFUCKING MARTHA STEWART GARDEN ORNAMENTS WHEN I SEE THEM! WHY? BECAUSE GANNEN GAVE ME ONE LAST YEAR!"

"It's the thought that counts, Steve." Gannen sighed miserably.

"WELL THAT IS JUST TOO GODDAMN BAD CUZ YOU ARE NEVER GETTING YOUR DIRTY LITTLE HANDS ON OUR SOB!" Kade roared.

"Are you sure about that, Miss Kaydee?" Steve simpered with a forced grin.

"Damn sure." Kade shot back.

Paris howled something about iPads, but Harkat covered his mouth.

"Well then." Steve continued coldly. "SAY GOODBYE TO THE FAT MAN!"

And Steve Leopard and Gannen Harst bolted out into the parking lot, dragging Santa with them.

* * *

well that's it, end of story.

LOLJK, part 6 coming ASAP :)

Review!

*RP & SB1,


	6. And To All A Good Flight!

It's 12:32 am in my little hicktown, so MERRY CHRISTMAS! I literally devoted my evening to finish this, and I know SB1 really crunched a lot of time too, so let's have a toast to US! A toast to you guys for reviewing! A toast to our beloved Vampires! And the biggest toast of all to the real DS for giving them to the world. I can't thank you enough Darren Shan!

Here's to all of it. Couldn't live without it, wouldn't change a thing. The DSS fandom is like my home, and I'm so happy to be spending a 3rd Christmas here with you guys :)

May your days be merry and bright, and may all your Christmases be white.

This is actually the 2nd last chapter...for serious.

* * *

Charna's bitch!" Mika growled, throwing down what he had in his hand, which turned out to be Harkat. The Little Person hit the floor but bounced up with determination,  
"We need to... get Santa!" He shrieked, piling together the rest of the vampires who were mostly running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. Kurda was sitting in the corner, crying about in the heat of the moment those 'little bastards of hair' curled up on him again. Mike was apologizing to Harkat who was more worried about his label maker that took most of the fall.  
"We need to go! The parking lot, it's this way!" Darren scrambled trying to hoard together the screaming sections of people.  
"I can't drive it without the rims, it just CAN'T HAPPEN!" Arrow hyperventalated, Kayden shook him roughly.  
"You have to do it! Come on, be a man!" She grinned maliciously, raising her eyebrows.  
"I CAN NOT DO IT CAPTAIN! I DO NOT HAVE THE POWER!" Seba gasped, taking a shower cap from Kurda's purse and using it to slow down his breaths like a brown paper bag. Paris was blabbering like an idiot about iPads to himself, no surprise.  
"Let's go! We'll lose him!" Ronnie finally boomed as the Vampires all snapped into action running towards the parking lot.  
###

"Where are we parked! Lord, I can't seem to find the parking slip!" Gannen fumbled, looking through his pokets.  
"You dumbass! Who doesn't remember where he parks his car? And you can't even find the paper you had it written on you ingrate!" Steve snapped, as Gannen continued to search for the car, pressing the panic button on the keys.  
"The panic wont work, what if it was towed?" Ganner panicked, Steve gave him a hard slap to the back of his skull, which made the parking slip fall from the hood of his jacket. Santa kept trying to slip away, using car emblems to try and cut loose from the ropes around his wrist. He would have to put a new one in each one of the stockings.

"Here it is! Get Two Ton Tina in the backseat!" Steve ordered to their other vampaneze guard who had been waiting in the van with some difficulty putting the hostage in the backseat.

"Seeeeee, Steve?" Gannen snickered. "I told you a minivan was a good idea. And the gas mileage is excellent, and the child locks work like a charm!"

"Stuff it, MOM." Stave snarled, hopping into his shotgun position and slamming his hand down on the 'close doors' button. The automatic doors sslllooowwlyy slid back into place.

"CAN'T THEY GO ANY FASTER?" Steve snarled, reaching for the door.

"DON'T TOUCH IT!" Gannen roared. "IT'LL THROW OFF THE SYSTEM!"

"GO GO GO GO!" Steve bellowed furiously at the door as it reached its halfway point to being fully closed. Gannen started up the motor and pulled out of the parking space, only to be caught by they eyes of Darren and Ronnie.

"THERE THEY ARE, GET THEM!"

Seba took this literally and tried to tackle-cling to the back of the minivan, but failed. The gang decided to pile into the Escalade like old times, because if they lost someone, trying to track them down would take two Christmases. This was a huge relief for Arrow because the thought of driving his Hummer without chrome rims caused him extreme stress. The Essie was full to the point of bursting on an average day, but with the addition of Kade and Ronnie plus the disorganization in which they piled in caused extra coziness.

Kade and Ronnie found themselves in the front seats, and Harkat sitting in the middle, in charge of switching gears. Larten and Paris sat in the middle seats with Kurda sitting on the floor between them, and Mika, Seba, Darren, and Arrow crammed in the back, yelling directions as they maneuvered through the crowded parking lot and swung out onto the highway.

"HE'S RIGHT OVER THERE!" Darren hollered.

"MERGE, MERGE, MERGE!" Arrow roared. "YOU'RE IN THE SLOW LANE!"

"HEY, HIT THAT SMART CAR!" Mika added.

"WHAT ARE WE YELLING AT?" Seba screeched.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Kade bellowed from the driver's seat.

"CHARNA'S PANTS, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD!" Larten wailed.

"He's about to take that exit, don't lose him!" Paris interrupted.

Kade swerved to the right at the last possible second, the tires screeched, and the 'contents' of the Escalade was flung into the wall screaming parts of Charna that had never been imagined.

"Where are those little carsick baggies?" Kurda gulped.

"Oh gods, someone crack a window." Mika whined. "And throw him out of it!"

But Kurda managed to contain his stomach contents, luckily for everyone.

"Good. I wasn't in the mood to be covered in half-digested salad." Arrow grunted. Kurda started to cry.

"DON'T MAKE ME COME BACK THERE!" Kade bellowed again. "I'LL TURN THIS THING AROUND!"

"Please don't?" Darren requested. "Steve's getting away."

"Not for long." Kade snarled, pushing the pedal to the floor, weaving through traffic like a Nascar champ. However, being Christmas Eve, the roads were ridiculously packed and even the most reckless drivers were having trouble moving with efficiency.

"Jingle all thee waaaaaaay!" Kurda sang happily.

"MOVE YOUR ASSES!" Ronnie screamed out the window. She got several annoyed honks in reply, which she flipped off.

"Kayden, what on earth are you waiting for? Steven the Leopard must be stopped, this is an utterly utterable abomination!" Seba scolded.

"I CAN'T GO ANY FASTER THAN SIXTY, THERE'S NO DAMN ROOM!"

Then Seba made his crucial mistake -

"This is why women should not operate heavy machinery!"

And Kade simply abandoned the driver's seat to leap to the back row and attempt to strangle the living shit out of Seba Nile.

Luckily for everyone in the Essie and on the road, Ronnie maintained her 3 C's and slid quickly into the vacated seat, but not before the Essie had totalled a SmartCar.

"YAHOO!" Mika yelled.

As Ronnie fiercely maneuvered through the traffic earning even more admiration from Darren, Seba had his face smashed repeatedly into the seat by an infuriated Kayden. Then, she cranked open the skylight and stuffed Seba upwards through it where he got a facefull of snow.

Suddenly, as if by magic, the traffic in front of them parted ways, pulled over, and parked.

"DAMN IT, WHERE'S THE FACKING EMERGENCY VEHICLE?" Ronnie moaned, smacking the steering wheel and slowing down.

Harkat looked around and gasped in awe.

"We're...it!"

He gestured at Seba, who was still lodged in the skylight, waving his arms frantically and making a noise identical to...

"A SIREN!" Ronnie screamed in delight, flooring the pedal and shooting forwards.

"How'd you think we got Arrow to the hopsital in time to save him from bleeding to death from a head wound?" Mika snickered.

"That explains so much..." Arrow sighed.

"Excellent idea, Kayden." said Larten with a prim smile.

"Aww, it was nothing. All I did was try to kill him." Kade replied with a blush.

They were really flying now, doubling their previous rate of velocity.

"RONNIE, REMEMBER TO USE YOUR BLINKER!" Darren wailed.

"Dar sweetie? PUT A SOCK IN IT?" came the master driver's reply. Followed by, "HOLY TITS, that SmartCar came out of nowhere!"

"What is the SmartCar Hit Total on this thing now?" Larten asked.

"We're...up to...7 now." Harkat replied.

"I'm suprised Steve doesn't have a SmartCar." Darren grunted bitterly. "Proportionate to the size of his-"

"DARREN!" Ronnie shrieked.

"We're gonna OWN that little shithead!" said Arrow.

"What should we do with him?" Mika wondered.

"Anything we want." Darren snickered.

"Oooh wow guys, we just passed theee UHHGLY-EST green minivan EVARR." Kurda snorted with disgust.

"Green minivan?"

"Oh crap."

"Turn around, Ronn darling!"

"SHIT, STEVE JUST TURNED TOO!"

"FOLLOW HIM!"

"Do not even think about it, Veronica. This is a one-way road." Larten said sternly.

Kade rolled her eyes.

"Do you WANT to go up in the roof with Seba? Cuz I'll do it!"

Larten glared at her.

"WAIT WAIT WAIT!" Paris yelled. "I'm looking on Google Maps on my cellular device right now -and it would be on a HUGE, BEAUTFIFUL, RETINA-DISPLAY SCREEN if this was an iPad!- and judging by this, if they take the first exit which I assume they will, Steve and Gannen will exit this road roughly beneath the overpass located directly in front of us. After this, they will take the exit to the Quintuple-Express-Freeway and we will have a snowball's chance in hell of catching them."

"Well then we gotta MOVE!" Ronnie yelled.

"Wait..." Kade hissed, grabbing the stick shift. "It's already too late. But there might be another way..."

She looked to the back seat and made eye contact with Arrow. Judging by his hard eyes he was thinking the exact same as she was.

Darren sensed the tension.

"What? WHAAT?"

"What are you whatting about?" Kurda wheedled. "Can we go home? It's not too late to watch the 'Sex And The City' Christmas special."

"I think we have a plan." said Arrow finally, sounding more like a Vampire Prince than he had in years.

Kade gulped.

"KADEY, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?" Ronnie wailed.

Kade told her.

"I like that plan." she replied with only a hint of nausea.

"LETTT ME OUUTTTTT!" Kurda howled, cranking the door handle, but the child lock was on.

"I'm in." Mika grunted, even paler than usual.

"I believe it is the only way." Paris sighed. "I should probably begin to write my will..." and he did so, on the memo pad of his phone.

"And I thought Darren had some completely ridiculousy terrifying plans." said Larten, glassy-eyed.

"It runs in the fam." Kade shrugged. "I mean, Dar is basically my brother-in-law."

Ronnie cracked a glowing smile. Darren blushed spectacularly.

"I do not understand!" Seba complained after being pulled down from the roof. "This is an abomination!"

"You'll see, Seebs." said Ronnie.

Harkat simply placed a label on the dashboard reading, 'DEATH TRAP', then planted one on everyone's forehead labelled; 'DATE OF DEATH: DEC 24, 2010'.

"I appreciate your faith, Harkie." Kade grumbled.

"I believe the...plan will work...but I do not...believe...we will...live to tell about it." Harkat specified.

"Good enough."

"By my calculations, Steve will be nearing the pass within minutes. We should get into position." Paris noted.

Ronnie maneuvered the Essie in position atop the ovepass, directly above the road. The area was now deserted. Seba's siren-ing had done its job well.

"Any second now." sais Paris conversationally. "I have somewhat enjoyed the insignificantly small portion of my 900 years that I have spent with you all. No regrets."

"Guys...I just wanted to say...I loved raising hell with you. And I secretly love how you wrecked my life the way you wreck everything else." Darren sniffled, shuffling up to the front of the vehicle. "And Ronnie...um...I..."

Just then, Harkat stuck a new label to the ceiling: 'MISTLETOE'.

Ronnie and Darren obliged.

Mika and Larten covered each others' eyes.

"Stay classy, boys." Kade declared, reaching her foot over and tapping the gas pedal to revv the engine and steel everyone's nerves.

"HERE COMES THE STEVEMOBILE!" Arrow roared in battlecry-mode.

"Can we sing a Christmas carol?" Kurda sniffled.

"JINGLE BELLS, STEEVO SMELLS!" sang Darren.

"CHARNA LAID AN EGG!" Larten continued, and then looked extremely suprised at his own audacity.

"OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE IN THE VAMPIRE MOUNTAIN ESCALAAAAADE!" Ronnie and Kade belted out in perfect synchronization.

"I think you missed a few lines in there, but NOW!" Paris screamed.

Ronnie and Kade shared the task of slamming their feet down on the gas pedal, the old faithful Essie ripped forward, smashed through the guard rail, and became airborne like Santa's sleigh on Christmas Eve. In fact, that's what it was mistaken for by several children in distant cars.

Down...

Seba screamed almost as loud as he had when ordering Mcdonald's from a drive-thru the first time.

Paris sunk his fingernails into his seat and felt some beard fly into his mouth.

Larten fell out of his seat.

Down...

An old Gatorade bottle flew out from under a seat. Harkat snatched it out of the air.

Darren clung to Ronnie and wailed so loudly she nearly lost hearing on that side.

Arrow, Kade, and Mika waved their arms like on a roller coaster.

Down...

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good fliiiiight!" Kurda sang deliriously, not fully comprehending what was going on.

And he was still holding that note when the mighty, undefeatable 2008 edition ivory white Cadillac Escalade slammed down on top of Gannen Harst's rented Grinch-green minivan. The force of the impact blew all four of the van's tires, effectively halting it, not to mention partially caving in the roof. The Essie bounced off, hit the road on its' back, and slid for several meters before slamming into the concrete post that held up the overpass.

7 Vampires, a Little Person, and the 2 girls lay littered on the roof of the overturned SUV for a good 3 minutes before realizing they were alive.

"WHAT A RIDE!" Kade gasped.

"Where are we?" Harkat wheezed.

"I lost my hair brush." Kurda gulped. "I'm serious, guys. I have NO IDEA where it is."

Seba was at a loss for words.

Arrow punched through a window and crawled out, then stood like a fireman gently pulling everyone out one-by-one.

"Hey look, Steevo's mom-mobile." Ronnie noted disoriented-ly, pointing out the other hunk of wreckage on the road.

"HE CAUSED THIS ACCIDENT?" Larten hollered, hopping furiously. "I WILL TEAR HIM LIMB FROM LIMB AND THEN TAKE THIS TO COURT!"

"Larty...we jumped on him, remember?" Kade commented. "At least I think we did."

"Guys." Suddenly Darren looked very upset. "We may have just killed Santa."

"OH SHIT, I FORGOT THE FAT BUGGER WAS IN THE MINIVAN!" Arrow groaned. "Harkat's gonna kill me..."

He needn't have worried, the Little Person was currently occupied by labelling the various pieces of the Essie that were now strewn across the road.

The Vampires raced across the pavement towards the minivan, just in time to see Steve crawl out the back hatch, dragging a very much alive Santa and followed by Gannen who was whining because his wrist had been fractured.

"AS IF you survived!" said Ronnie with extreme dismay.

"As if you dumbasses were dumbassy enough to do THAT!" Steve spat. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?"

"As if you pansypusses were pansypussy enough to think you could run from us!" Kade cackled triumphantly. "What were YOU thinking?"

"Well, you fanged idiots have screwed us over for the last time." Steve hissed. "You had your change, and you blew it. Say goodbye to Sanny-Claws, any hope of ever getting an iPad, the chrome rims, the coffee bean plant, and of course, our hometown." he concluded with a wicked grin, and pulled out a .22 which he put to Santa's head.

Before anyone could react, a red blur came flying out of nowhere, bonked Steve on the noggin with a very hollow sound, and with that, the Vampaneze Lord tipped backwards and fell to the pavement, unconscious.

The blur was the Martha Stewart garden decoration, and the fearless defender of the Claus was none other than a very angry-looking Harkat Mulds.

A deathly silence echoed across the motionless highway. A chill was in the air...

"Can we go hooome now?" Kurda chriped.

Then everything went to hell, again. But in a good way for once!

The next few minutes was a blur of Harkat recieving multitudes of hugs and declarations of appreciation, plenty of high-fiving, fist-bumping, group hugs, mighty makeouts sessions, as well as the arrival of many questioning cops. The Vampires, however, did an excellent job of acting totally traumatized, and Gannen was the only one who walked away with a heavy fine, not to mention he hadn't paid insurance on his rented van. Steve was triple-handcuffed and promised life in a maximum-security detention center despite his sleepy protests. Eventually he passed out again in the back of the cop car, drooling slightly. The Mountain gang whipped out their phones and snapped a few pictures in case they needed future blackmail purposes.

Santa escaped, seemingly into thin air. But no one noticed this till later...

Suddenly, Darren realized something that chilled him to the bone. His eyes were drawn to a heap of smoking wreckage of what had once been a proud SUV, lying battered by the cement pillar.

"NNNOOOOOOOO!" he wailed in agony, sprinting to the destroyed Escalade and collapsing beside it, sobbing and clinging to the displaced engine.

"There there, Darren... it is only... vehicle..." That was as far as Larten got before bursting into tears beside his sudent. Ronnie sat down beside him and wrapped him into her arms.

Mika and Arrow stood silently by the wreck like soldiers, taking in all the gory details. Kade snuck up beside Arrow and slipped her hand into his, and linked her other arm through Mika's.

"No...not the...Essie..." Harkat groaned, shuffling over to mourn beside Darren.

Even Seba looked shellshocked as he sat down abruptly to stare at the damage.

"Don't leave us!" Darren choked, squeezing the engine.

Memories of the Essie, the first time they'd rented it at the airport, pulling up to the ski resort in style, all the spilled drinks, the sheer quantities of wipes used to keep it pristine, the throwing of...everything, the blasting of all the different music from Pussycat Dolls to Nickelback to Elvis, the sound of screeching tires as Harkat performed incredible burnouts, Darren trying to parallel park and killing many a SmartCar, that Halloween where they'd hidden in it, then leaped out to terrify children senseless, the time they'd slept in it; a sanctuary in a filthy parking lot, and the insane camping trip where they'd been shoved from behind by Arra's RV, trashed the suspension getting to the campsite, then re-trashed it at double the speed getting Arrow to the emergency room, and everything in between, cumulating back to that Christmas morning 2 years previous, where Darren had presented it to them and they'd realized it wasn't just any Essie...it was THEIR Essie.

"This is MY Essie." Darren gulped, looking upwards at the tow truck mechanic that had pulled up beside them to observe the smashed vehicle. "Save her. Please! YOU CAN'T LET HER DIE!"

"Son, I'm a mechanic, not a surgeon." said the fellow. "But if y'all would stop huggin my leg, I'll see what I can do."

"THAANK YOU!"

"But I got-uh say, she don't look so good. I'd start shoppin' for a new vee-hickle if I was you's."

At this point, Darren passed out. On Ronnie. She accepted this without complaint.

Arrow grabbed the mechanic by the collar and picked him up. Mika closed in for intimidation purposes, and Larten did the talking.

"Hello you gasoline-smelling flea-ridden human, you listen and you listen well! You WILL fix our Essie, and you WILL do it before morning! ARE WE CLEAR?"

"Don't make me straighten your hair." Kurda threatened. "Because that would NOT compliment your facial structure AT ALL."

"YOU sir, are an abomination of the lowliest form! Our vehicle has conquered far worse, who are you to doubt it?" Seba intoned.

"Where the hell did you folks come from?" the mechanic groaned.

"We're Mountain folk." Arrow thundered.

"Mountain folk with an Escalade?"

"DON'T QUESTION, JUST FIX!"

"Legally, I ain't supposed to be work'n tonight. This here's Christmas Eve y'know! Legally you can't make me!"

Now, Harkat saw fit to intervene. He walked right up to the mechanic to he was eye-level with his thigh, then said in his best little good-boy voice,

"Please, sir...it's Christmas. We all need...a little miracle."

He locked his little green eyes onto the mechanic's slightly stoned-looking ones. The latter softened.

"Oh'll right...but I expect double my fixin' rate!"

Harkat turned to face Darren as he regained consciousness in Ronnie's arms. Kade leaning on Arrow, having only just noticed she had a piece of glass embedded in her arm. Kurda with blood and motor oil-streaked hair and a movie-star smile. Seba staring around wide-eyed and open-mouthed. Larten trying to lick his elbow -an attempt to heal a cut with spit. Paris calling Apple Inc. to leave one more iPad-related message. Mika looking completely exhausted but extremely happy, despite the fact that he was bleeding from a chest wound caused by a stray piece of debris in the fall.

Harkat glanced at the dumbfounded mechanic, and back at his friend. He winked and quoted his famous line from their production of _A Christmas Carol _2 years previous:

"God bless us...everyone!"

And he made a label saying thus, which he stuck in the middle of the highway as a reminder of Christmas Spirit for all to see.

* * *

OMG THE ESSIE. I didn't plan on making it such a big part of TVF, but I'm really into my vehicles and it just wove itself in...:)

Ahhh Tiny Tim recurrance! :) I think that's still my favourite TVF.

The last part was fueled by me being all emotional tonight, because my horse was officially sold today and it was easily the unhappiest Christmas Eve of my life! We went for a long ride down a snowy road and then I gave him enough treats to sink a ship. Long live my mighty steed! But tomorrow I start a new chapter of my life as I welcome my baby girl to her new home...talking about a horse, I'm not pregnant xD But tonight I was at Christmas Eve church and there was this random toddler running around and his mom was just chillin and he was getting picked up and passed around by total strangers...of course I was his favourite. I pretended he was Harkat.

ANYWAY, damn my ramblings.

That's all for tonight, have a beautiful, incredible, wild, unforgettable, amazing Christmas everyone! We love you with all our hearts!

Now that we're all warm and fuzzly, a couple reviews would be unreal ;)

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from Roxypony Studios International in accompaniment with the fabulous StayBeautiful1!

*RP & SB1,


	7. The Eve Before The Morning

Helllooooo and Happy New Years Eve from the beautiful SB1, and my sexy self. Haha jk. Well before we head out to trash the world for the last time of 2010, we present you the conclusion of How The Girls Stole Christmas! A bit late but at least we didn't wait till the new year..

1st half by myself, 2nd by SB1 :) Love both parts and we wouldn't have the conclusion any other way!

* * *

There aren't many people in the world who can say they spent Christmas Eve in an auto repair shop, but the Vampire Mountain clan could now cross it off their list.

It was 11 pm in Irv's Emergency Auto Shop, and the Vampire Mountain Gang was anxiously awaiting news on whether their beloved Essie would survive the night.

Darren sat nervously in a chair, squeezing Ronnie's hand so hard her fingers looked slightly discoloured. Larten paced back and forth muttering under his breath. Harkat kept shoving his hand into the vending machine opening to see if anything new had materialized. Arrow, Mika, and Kade were browsing used vehicles in a catalogue, circling the ones they liked and putting X's on the ones they thought were eewwy. Paris was sleeping across several chairs, and Kurda was locked in the small bathroom trying to fix his destroyed hair.

The Vampire gang took up one side of the room, and a patchy, shabby-looking family took up the other. There were two scruffy parents and 6 scruffier kids who were waiting to hear about the fate of their motorhome. It had been severely damaged by debris in the Vampire-caused accident.

And then there was the secretary who was growling to herself about the abomination of having to work on Christmas Eve. The moment she uttered the A-word, Seba immediately darted over and attempted to chat her up.

"It's...depressing...in here." said Harkat miserably.

"Dually noted." said Mika.

"How 'bout some nice TV?" Kade suggested. "Maybe a Criminal Minds Christmas special is on."

"Yahoo!" chriped Mika and Arrow.

"Here come my nightmares." Larten grumbled and continued pacing. But he needn't have worried, it was soon revealed that the TV only got 2 channels - the Yule Log and a kiddie station currently broadcasting Harry And His Bucketful Of Dinosaurs.

"Yule Log it is, then." Arrow grunted.

Across the room, a 5-year-old burst into years because his favourite show had just been replaced by a firelog.

"I WANNA BUCKET DINOSAURS!" he wailed furiousy, attempting to run and attack Arrow, but was restrained by his mother.

"Sorry 'bout Timmy." the lady explained. "He's just upset that he hasn't been able to watch TV since the bank forclosed on our house and we had to move in to our RV."

She said this with a smile.

Mika, Arrow, and Kade's smiles fell one-by-one. Ronnie, Darren, and Larten had already been frowning, and now frowned with even more intensity.

"If our moto'home dies forever, can we live here? This chair's comfier than my bed." declared a girl of about 7.

"We'll see..." the parents mumbled, exchanging sad glances.

"They're taking a long time!" said Darren anxiously, trying to diffuse the awkwardness.

"If they save the Essie, I promise never to get hair spray in the vents ever again!" Kurda whined, blowing his nose.

"I promise not to abuse the power of the climate-controlled seats." Mika sighed.

"I promise to get it a real siren so we don't have to use Seba next time." Arrow put in.

"What do you mean, _next time_?" Larten snorted.

"I promise not to squeeze the crap out of the arm rests." said Darren.

"Yeah, that's what my hand is for." Ronnie added gently. Darren loosened his death grip slightly and stared into her eyes.

"I promise to finally get around to installing a car seat for Harkat, d'yo know it's illegal not to have a child-sized figure in one of those? There's this midget megamillionaire in Memphis, and he has to ride in a car seat in the back of his limo. Every day." said Paris.

"Time to off the Fountain of Knowledge, he's drunk off it." Kade grumbled.

"If our mo'home gets fixeded, I promise to eat all my vegibulls, even the ones that look like monkey feet." pledged one of the human kids.

"I promise never to say swears." added another.

"I promise to give all my money to the homeless people!" said the littlest one, holding up a dime.

"Daddy, why are all those big men crying?" asked another.

"WE'RE NOT CRYING!" Mika snuffled.

"We have something in our eyes." Arrow gulped.

Larten blew his nose loudly into Kurda's scarf. Kurda was too busy blowing his nose into Seba's coat to notice.

Kade and Ronnie exchanged a sad little glance, then wrapped their arms around Harkat like a stuffed animal.

"Group hug!" Kurda sniffed, joining in. Darren and Arrow leaned in by Ronnie and Kade, and were followed by Mika, Paris, Seba, Larten, then the 6 kids, and finally their parents. It was the biggest (and only) group hug ever to be seen in Irv's Emergency Auto Shop.

Irv happened to step out of the shop at that moment, and had to cough loudly before anyone realized he was there.

"Who here owns the Escalade?"

10 pairs of hands shot up.

"Um, a'ight then. I'll get straight to the point: she's beyond repair. I'm very sorry, we did everything we could. It would be best to replace it."

Such a quick and simple sentence, but it cut like a sharpened sword through the hearts of the Vampire Mountain clan.

"NO!" Seba screamed. "THAT IS OUR ESSIE! YOU CANNOT LET HER DIE, HAVE YOU NO HNOUR?"

At this point, he took a running jump at Irv but was luckily intercepted by Larten and Paris, who pulled him outside for some 'quiet time', leaving the others inside to mourn.

"And you'll be the folks with the motorhome, I'm guessing?"

"Correct." said the man hopefully.

"My apologies, sir, but your motorhome has met the same fate as the Escalade, it is impossible to restore."

The family's faces went blank with shock, the older ones unable to comprehend the fact that they were suddenly homeless, and the younger ones not knowing what was happening.

"But I have a lovely replacement on the lot right now, a 2011 model Argo-Bus, complete with extendable sides, dual wheels, quad exhaust, double bathrooms, over 10 different optional sleep areas, fully climate-controlled, and a garunteed lifetime warranty!"

"How much?" asked the man hopefully.

Irv told him. He went deathly pale, shook his head, then turned and beckoned his family to leave.

There was a cold, miserable silence in the room. Darren looked at Ronnie, who looked at Kade, who looked at Arrow, who looked at Mika, who looked at Kurda, who looked at Harkat, who looked like Larten, Paris, and Seba who'd just come in from outside. An almost imperceptible ripple of emotion went down the line...

"Put it on this card." said Darren suddenly, whipping out his wallet.

"Sorry?" said Irv with cofusion.

"Yeah, what the hell?" snapped Mika.

"Did you not just experience that look we all gave each other? Were you even in the same room?" Kade asked quizzically.

"I thought that meant we were gonna kill Irv!" Mika grumped.

"Not today, big boy." Kade rolled her eyes and patted his elbow.

"You heard me, Sir." said Darren boldly, extending his card. "We're buying the big-ass RV."

"What do you gluttonous bastards need an RV for? Buddy over there has been flashing his Hummer keys for the past half-hour, you just trashed your Escalade, and judging by the picture on your enormous photoframe keychain, you already own a perfectly good motorhome!" the now-homeless man muttered furiously, ushering his family out of the shop.

Darren opened his mouth to say something warm, kind, and Christmassy, but Arrow beat him to it:

"Hello Dumbass, anyone home up there? We're buying YOU the motorhome!"

###

"Isn't giving awesome?" said Darren happily half an hour later, on the road back to Vampire Mountain.

If fitting 10 people in an 8-person Escalade had been painful, fitting 10 people in a 6-person truck was considerably worse. Arrow flatly REFUSED to drive his Hummer without its rims, so that was currently being towned by Ronnie and Kade's pink Silverado. Harkat was driving, Ronnie was right beside him, Darren was squashed happily into her, and on his other side was Arrow who was snuggled tightly into Kade. In the back row, Larten, Paris, Mika and Kurda occupied the seats while Seba curled up on the floor.

"Well guys? Isn't it awesome?" Darren persisted.

"Whatever, hun." Ronnie sighed tiredly, pillowing her head on his shoulder.

"Yeah it...is!" Harkat agreed happily.

"Eyes on the road, Mulds. We don't wanna replace this one too." Kade grumbled, petting the dashboard of the beloved truck.

"Darren, I cannot believe you squandered our Essie replacement fund!" Paris wailed.

"That wasn't our Essie replacement fund, we don't have one of those. That was just our general bank account." Darren mumbled.

"Where does all that money come from?" Kurda asked mystically.

"It's a mystery to me." said Darren.

"Let's just get the hell home and go to sleep." Kade snapped. "And plan to make next Christmas better."

"I can't believe I didn't get my rims out of Steve's van before we dropped the Escalade on it!" Arrow moaned, banging his head on the dashboard. Kade rolled her eyes.

"At least my coffee bean plant is safe." Mika sighed peacefully.

"And my hometown. Sure the gifts I bought were destroyed in the crash, but still. We pretty much saved an entire family. This was the best Christmas ever!" Darren grinned, recieving many kicks in the back of the seat.

"WHAT GIFTS?" Kade roared.

"Long story." Arrow mumbled.

"Hey, whatever happened to the Claus?" Ronnie wondered.

"Who the hell knows. He probably disapparated, like Harry Potter." Kade suggested.

"So why didn't he just do that while Steve had him captive?" asked Paris.

"Friggin beats me! He probably wasn't the real Santa anyway. Maybe he just got hit by a bus and we didn't notice." Kade yawned, pillowing her head on Arrow's shoulder.

"You're...probably...right..." sighed Paris before dozing off completely.

Then, a true Christmas miracle finally occurred - one by one, the Vampire gang drifted off to sleep, snuggled together blissfully in a blinding pink truck that was for once invisible on the dark road that lead home, and Harkat gently maneuvered the steering wheel in utter peace and quiet, a flawless smile on his lop-sided mouth.

###

The pink truck glided into the driveway, the Vampires were all fast asleep in the car in an assortment of award positions. Ronnie was snuggled up in Darren's arms-who was scrunched up against the window- snoring softly, with Seba's feet sticking up from the floor of the backseat. Arrow's head was propped up against the window, and Kade was smiling softly in her sleep, head resting on his shoulder. Paris was on the hump in the backseat, drooling on the glove compartment. Kurda laid across Larten and Mika's lap, whining about fashion disasters with Joan Rivers. The Little Person struggled to put on the emergency brake, so he had to ask Kayden for help. Which in turn set on a domino effect of the resurrection of a truck full of grumpy passengers.

"Ugh, what time is it?" Ronnie shot up, rubbing her eyes with the palms of her hands. Blonde hair and curls matted and sticking up in different directions.

"Time to go to sleep." Mika grunted, grabbing Kurda's shoulders and shoving him off his lap. As everyone awakened, they looked around the car and began to open the doors.

"Hey, where's seebster?" Kade mumbled sleepily, looking under the tires.

"Maybe we left him at the auto shop. Oh well, the other family can have him." Arrow smirked delirious in his barely awake state.

"No, he is asleep in the back." Larten rolled his eyes, peeking in the bed of the truck.

"This abomination of a truck kept me from sleep, the sun roof function was broken!" Seba shrilled, glaring at the bed of the truck. Everyone was too tired to make a sarcastic comment about his obvious stupidity.

"Well, what a Christmas? Right guys?" Darren held his arms out in the back of the group who were already making their way into the mountain. Arrow came behind him and gave him a wide eyed stare,

"Bro. Tomorrow-" he looked down at his watch, "in 2 hours, it's christmas. And we don't have shit." Darren's face flushed, they had no gifts. No anything.

"But, we gave a family a home. That's what Christmas is really about!" Darren smiled.

"Yeah, good-luck telling Kade and Ronnie that." Arrow concluded.

When Christmas morning rolled around, everyone was deep asleep late. Due to the lack of excitement because they had no presents, the group found no reason to awaken early. Except for Darren, he was asleep-relaxing like he was in the beginning of this journey. But this time, he had a nice feeling in his heart. Ronnie was asleep next to him, and as he looked at the ceiling he thought about the people he had given a home to and that was-

"!" Kurda shrieked, Darren chuckled at how the flamboyant vampire had become his alarm clock.

"No Darren, dude! Seriously! Come here!" Mika called excitedly. That really made him nervous, jolting out of bed, Darren made his way to the door. Ronnie rolled off the side, and mumbled a few curse words and shuffled out of the bed behind him. As they made their way to the main room of comfort, in all it's shining glory, right beside the tree was their Essie. Darren let out a squeal of pure enjoyment, which earned a couple of comments from Kade, Arrow and Mika who were already looking through the variety of gift's that were packed inside.

"How did this, who, why?" Darren babbled, placing his hands on the once mangled hood. Tears of joy about to spill out of his eyes- but that couldn't happen, not now anyways.

"A _card?_ Who would leave a card? Everyone knows that no one reads the abominations." Seba criticized, throwing the small white card, which landed in front of Darren's feet.

"Darren, Larten, Seba, Paris, Kurda, Mika, Arrow, Veronica and Kayden. Thank you for saving me, I had the chance to get your beloved 'Essie' a fix. And I believe you will be satisfied with the contents. Tell Kurda, next Christmas, I'm not a fan of soy milk. Love, S-Clause." Darren read to himself, before throwing it to the side and diving into the pile of gifts with the others. Wrapping paper made its way all over the crevices of the mountain, laying over chairs and in piles with empty boxes. Paris almost died from hyperventilation when he opened the box to find a beloved I-Pad. He spoke in tongues, forcing words through happy tears about the amount of gigabytes and memory space. Mika let out a sigh of relief when he finally held in hands the beloved plant of his favorite coffee beans. Even Arrow couldn't hold in his childish excitement when he got his hands on his rims that he was sure had perished in the crash. Ronnie and Kade jumped up and down excitedly about the boots and purses they received because they swore some bitch got them back at Guess- a long with matching bracelets, blue and red shirts, sparkly accessories for Ronnie and belt buckles for Kade. Easy to say, they were impressed that their boys were successful with the doting. Harkat spread out an assortment of Silly Bands on the floor, refusing to look at the box for the shapes- he wanted to figure them out of his own. Kurda was showing off his new Ugg Boots, giving an imaginary audience a fashion show. Darren let out a sigh of surprise as he opened a snow globe of his hometown and another with a picture of all the members of the mountain inside. Ronnie wrote him a song that she put in a card, written in legible cursive along attached to a frame with a picture of Ronnie kissing him on the cheek- and an assortment of stress balls with 'Chill out!' written on them. Seba grinned at a bumper sticker reading 'Honk if your an abomination', written on it. It had taken him at least twenty minutes for him to realize he had no where to put it. So he placed it on himself. Larten had Harkat read him the instructions of his new George Foreman grill.

"I love... Santa." Harkat sighed happily, falling backwards into a pile of wrapping paper.

"Like, how did he even know my perfect size? I have delicate little footsies!" Kurda giggled, holding a foot in the air.

"I don't know." Mika mumbled, looking around to see where Kade and Arrow had run off to.

"Why did he tell us to come out here?" Kayden grumbled, looking at the outside of the cave. Arrow looked around, but instantly turned red when he spotted the reason. Danging above them was a simple amount of mistletoe. Arrow made a gesture above them, and Kade's smile deepened when she saw it.

"Darren would freak out if we didn't follow the tradition." Arrow gestured, raising an eyebrow.

"He would, and to be honest-" Kade started, stepping closer to him, "-I've been waiting for this, the whole trip." Arrow grinned widely before pulling her close to him, wrapping his muscles around her delicate frame.

"About time." Mika mumbled to himself from his position around the corner. Ronnie peeked from his side, causing the dark Prince to jump.

"Awww, you set this up Mika?" She cooed, grabbing his cheeks. He slapped her away,

"Yes, I did." He mumbled, grinding his teeth.

"That's sweet," Ronnie praised him, wrapping her arms around his wide shoulders, "You're a true- best bro." Mika snickered at her comment and they walked back to where the rest of the gang was chatting over their gifts.

"This is better than I imagined! The screen, the app's- I just can't take it!" Paris wheezed, still out of breath from his excitement- every time he opened a new program.

"See guys," Darren started, earning groans from the rest of the inhabitants of the mountain, "I'll be fast! Just, this is what Christmas is about. We gave a family a home, and still got presents."

"PRESE..NTS!" Harkat cheered, seemingly drunk off of his excitement. Ronnie came behind Darren, tracing her hand around his back and resting them on his waist.

"Thank you, Dare-bear." She mumbled into the nape of his neck.

"Thank you, Ron." He returned, pulling her as close to him as possible. Kurda and Larten made a comment or two, but the couple ignored them as they began to kiss and then disappear quietly behind the tree.

"You're not allowed to do that without mistletoe!" Kurda breathed, rolling his eyes.

"We can do whatever we want!" Ronnie called from behind the tree, and then returned back to Darren. After cleaning up the massive amounts of ribbons, bows and wrapping paper, Kade and Arrow returning from Mika's mistletoe operation, Paris finding a spot close to a outlet to charge his i-Pad and Darren and Ronnie arrived blissfully from behind the tree, the group laid on their spots in the fire lit family room.

"Not a complete disaster." Larten nodded, not believing the optimistic comment out of his mouth. Afraid of sounding so much like his student he added, "Only being near death a handful of times, is an improvement."

"Holy Tits," Ronnie started, snuggled under a blanket with Darren, "We're leaving tomorrow. This went by too fast!"

"But we'll be back!" Kade smiled at Arrow, who had his arm wrapped around her, and the same stupid smile plastered on his face from hours before.

"Yay! And we'll go SHOOPPPINGGG!" Kurda shook with joy, pulling the blanket in front of his face to hide his overwhelming joy.

"Merry Abominate-mas to all-" Seba cackled, still staring at the glossy bumper sticker. And in perfect Kade and Ronnie unison, the rest concluded,

"-and to all a good night!"

* * *

Thank you all for faithfully reading and reviewing, hope you all had an amazing holidays, a killer 2010 and best of luck to everyone in 2011! I'm so so proud to be a part of the DSS fandom and I hope we all make it bigger and better than ever before! I think we're like #34 on the top 100 list of fandoms, really not too bad! :)

Updates soon for OFL, Big V, SNS, TVF, and everything in between! Love you all!

** Also, Christmas Contest results ASAP!

*RP & SB1,


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